Page 56 of Mind Pucked

“What do you think about us?” I ask her, a lump forming in my throat that I can’t seem to force down no matter how hard I try.

“Us?” she asks. She steps closer to me, but leaves a decent distance between us, as if afraid to get too close.

Hell, I don’t even know if this is a dream or not. It feels like something I would never do or never had plans to do. I hate that I’m so broken that even asking a woman out seems like a sin to me. Perhaps it’s been so long that I don’t remember how to do these things. I guess I’m going to have to learn along the way.

I search for exactly what I want to say. I decide being honest and open with her is the best thing I can do. I know she’ll appreciate it in the long run, and I have less of a chance of running her off…or at least I hope I do.

“Yeah, I mean, I know I talked to you some about my wife the other day, and until now, I haven’t been able to move past that…I’m still probably not past it completely…” I pause, hoping like hell I’m getting my point across. “But you are amazing, and Hayden loves you, and let’s face it, she hasn’t loved anyone besides me since Lyla passed.”

I pause a moment, trying to judge her expression. At this point, I feel like I’m rambling, but it’s all things I feel like I have to say to her to express exactly how I’m feeling.

“Jackson, what are you saying?” she asks with her hand to her chest, and now I know that I was rambling for sure.

I need to tell her everything…exactly what I’m feeling and what I think of her.

“I’m saying that despite how much we still have to learn about one another, and how messed up I still am and likely will be over things in my past, I care for you, and because of that…I would really like to have an official relationship with you…if that’s something you’re open to?”

She pauses in her tracks and looks at me as if I’ve grown a second head, and I wonder if perhaps I shouldn’t have said anything. When she continues to look at me, not saying anything, I’m sure I shouldn’t have.

But there is no taking it back…unfortunately.

13

AMELIA

My heart thuds as if it might fall into my stomach. I don’t know what to say, so I just look at Jackson in shock. I’ve thought about this a lot recently, but I never once thought he would be the one to initiate this conversation…if a conversation was to ever be had.

I try hard to find the words to say, but nothing is coming out fast enough. The look on his face worries me—like he’s maybe wishing he hadn’t said anything at all. But I’m so happy he has, and as soon as I find the courage to say something…anything…I’m going to let him know exactly that.

I start with a simple nod…it’s all I can manage to do as he continues to look at me with a deep gaze that penetrates my soul.

“Say something,” he breathes, and my heart suddenly remembers how to work, though it’s still beating out of rhythm.

“Oh, Jackson, I’m sorry, I—” I begin.

“I knew I shouldn’t have said anything,” he interrupts me. “I’m sorry, let’s just pretend I didn’t and move on.”

I shake my head, trying to get him to stop. I need to get him to calm down long enough for me to explain.

“No, wait—” I step forward and put my hand on his upper arm…his muscle quivering under my touch. “I was trying to say that I’m sorry I didn’t say anything right away. You caught me off guard is all.”

“I guess I’m good at doing that,” he says, putting his hand over my hand that’s still on his arm. “Sorry,” he adds.

My heart skips a beat, and I smile at him as he touches me tenderly. I’m still shocked and happy all at the same time.

Is this the right thing?I have to remember why I’m here. It was never about being with him, though maybe I should have thought of that before sleeping with him.

I want this, though. I know I do. I care for Jackson, I care for Hayden, and I love his life…I just wish my brother was here to see it all. My gut twists as I blurt out my answer despite my better judgment.

“Yes.” I smile at him. “Jackson, I would love to be in a relationship with you. To be able to tell people that we’re…more. To be yours at the games and with your friends…I want this as much as you do.” I pause for a moment. “Maybe even more.” A tear trails down my cheek.

“Are you sure, Amelia?” he asks softly as he closes the distance between us, allowing his finger and thumb to trail down my cheek and under my jaw, sending shivers down my spine.

“Yes,” I breathe, moments before our lips touch, soft at first, but then harder.

Soon the kiss becomes desperate and needy as heat floods me to my center, threatening to spew out like lava.

I feel his hand slip up my back and into my hair, his fingers trailing up the top of my neck and over the back of my head. More chills fill my body as my mind tries to remind me of the red flags.

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