Page 79 of Mind Pucked

I hug her tight to me as we make our way into the house, and after I have the door locked behind us, I haul her up to her room.

“It’s late, baby,” I say to her as I open her bedroom door. “We only have time for one song or one book tonight.” I smile at her as she snuggles into her bed under her covers.

“Read to me, Daddy,” she squeals.

I reach down and pick up our favorite book to read together. Because of this little girl and the smile she has on her face right now as she asks me to read her a goodnight story…I know that no matter what…everything will be alright.

21

AMELIA

Inever wanted any of this to happen. First off, I didn’t want to be in a relationship with Jackson to begin with, in fear he had something to do with my brother’s death. Now, knowing my brother is in fact alive, and I’ve severed any hope of ever being with Jackson again…I’m left empty. More than empty, if that’s even possible.

I feel so…aimless.

It’s all my fault. If I could have guarded my heart…or if I hadn’t let myself fall for this man and his beautiful daughter, then no one would have gotten hurt…and no one would be hurting now. Not even me. Of course, I have to remember that if it weren’t for Jackson and being with him, I wouldn’t have been in the city where my brother was hiding. I still wouldn’t even know he’s alive.

My heart is breaking and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. I don’t know if I deserve to feel anything but heartbreak. Somehow, I feel this is all my fault, though I know deep down it isn’t.

Out of everything that has transpired between Jackson and me since I revealed the truth to him, I’m just happy that he hasn’t fired me. If I have to cut Hayden out of my life, I think that would kill me just as much, maybe even more. That little girl means the world to me, and I know deep down that I mean something to her too.

Trying to shake all these thoughts from my mind, I pace back and forth in my living room. I’m trying to think of anything that might fix this, but there simply isn’t anything that comes to mind right now. Not that I think more time will help me come up with anything either.

I sit down and put my head in my hands, and attempt to not let the tears fall, but they do. They always do, no matter what I do to try to stop them.

I should have been honest from the beginning, I chastise myself silently with an exasperated sigh.If I would have just told him sooner…

“Grrr, come on, Amelia, get your shit together!” I yell at myself as I get up again and pace some more. “Oh, great, now I’m talking to myself.”

Part of me wants to tell Jackson I don’t want to stay employed under him after all this, and another part of me wants to run home to my parents, but that isn’t a good idea either. Not now that I know my father isn’t who I’ve thought him to be my whole life.

Oh, what a mess I’m in.

How can my father be so horrible? My father has been the cause of so many deaths. At least Lyla’s, and almost Preston’s, but whoknows how many more? I suppose that’s not the kind of thing you can just ask a person.

Hey, Dad, I know you’re a psycho out for blood and vengeance and whatnot…and I know you killed Jackson’s wife Lyla, and kind of sort of almost killed Preston in the process, but how many others have you done the same thing to? Oh, and am I in danger of having the same thing happen to me because I now know information that I shouldn’t?

I roll my eyes at how ridiculous that sounds. Of course I could never bring myself to say anything like that to him, but it hasn’t stopped me from thinking about it a lot lately.

Ever since Preston told me the truth, my mind hasn’t stopped playing memories of my father on repeat. Every birthday party, every time he took me out on a daddy-daughter date, even the money spent on me…was it all laced in lies and the Mafia?

My phone rings and brings me out of that thought.

At first, I consider not even looking to see who it is, on the off chance it’s my dad and stepmother, but then I think about Hayden again. The possibility of Jackson needing help with her is what drives me to look. What if she’s fallen again or something?

I couldn’t be so lucky though…right? Not about Hayden getting hurt of course, but about Jackson needing me for anything. He’s angry at me, and I don’t think anything is going to change that anytime soon.

I finally check my phone and see that the caller ID says the call is coming out of Ohio. The only people I know there are my brother and Jackson’s parents, but I don’t see it being them. I think about not taking my chances, but my curiosity gets the better ofme and I pick up the call on what has to be close to the last ring before rolling over to voicemail.

“Hello?” I say, holding my breath with anticipation. I’m shaking all over.

The prospect of this call having anything to do with what my father is, and does, frightens me to my core. There’s no way he knows that I know…is there?

“Hey, sis,” Preston’s voice calls out, and my heart lurches as I finally let out the breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding.

I don’t know how to feel. All I’ve felt is numb, ever since finding out my brother was alive and then betraying Jackson in the worst way. I hate numbness, but it beats the other emotions that come when the numbness recedes.

Damn my emotions, which seem to want to both retreat and explode all at the same time.

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