Page 73 of Mind Pucked

I can feel her tense around me, and I know it’s coming. Her release crashes over her as she lets out an almost silent scream. Her body trembles against mine as my release follows hers. I groan softly as I spill into her. I thrust against her a few more times before collapsing beside her, pulling her close to me as I try to catch my breath.

“Wow,” she breathes out, panting.

“You can say that again.”

My thoughts run wild as I hold her tight, my feelings for her hitting me full force. Tonight has made me realize just how important she is to me, and I know I don’t want to lose her.

I realize that I might very well be in love with her, and that thought hits me like a ton of bricks. I think about Lyla and wonder briefly whether it’s okay for me to love someone else, but then I realize I can’t help what my heart feels.

I smile against Amelia’s skin as I take in the feelings she’s making me feel. I know I want her, I know I need her, and I think I love her. Only time will tell.

19

AMELIA

Idon’t want to ruin the rest of the trip, so even though guilt is consuming me, I keep quiet and pretend that everything is okay for the rest of the weekend. It eats away at me, and I know Jackson can tell something is wrong by the time we get back home. It’s getting very hard to hide it, and I know at some point I’m going to have to talk to him, but the thought terrifies me. I don’t know how he’ll react if I tell him about everything I’ve learned.

My thoughts are all over the place. I can’t stop thinking about everything Preston told me. I keep trying to hide my feelings from Jackson, but I know he can sense my distraction.

“What’s wrong with you tonight? You’ve been distant ever since we got back,” he says after we get Hayden to bed.

Distant? I’ve been trying not to be distant, but maybe I’ve pulled away while trying to keep my emotions at bay. I shrug my shoulders and shake my head, trying to play it off like nothing is wrong. I’m not ready to tell him about everything yet. We’ve gotten to a really good place in our relationship and the last thing I want to do is ruin it.

I know I have to give him some sort of answer, but I don’t really know what to tell him. I look at him, his handsome face clouded with concern. I don’t want him to worry, so I try a simple response and hope that he buys it.

“I’ve just had a lot of things on my mind,” I say, hoping he’ll leave it at that. “I’ll be fine, you don’t have to worry. You have enough on your plate already.”

I should’ve known he wouldn’t let it go, and he doesn’t. He looks at me and crosses his arms over his chest, staring at me for a few long minutes as if he’s waiting for me to volunteer information. I stare back, giving him a look that says he’s not getting anything out of me.

He sighs and uncrosses his arms, making his way closer to me. My heart lurches in my chest at the thought that this might be the last time I have him this close to me, so I wrap my arms around him, holding him tight to me. I breathe in his scent and remember the night we shared at the Airbnb. It was the best night of my life and I want him to know it.

“I had a lot of fun with you and your family this past weekend, Jackson,” I say softly as I continue to breathe him in.

I feel him sigh and I know he’s getting frustrated with me because I’m not telling him what he wants to know. His arms tighten around me for a moment before they loosen, and he pulls back to look me in the face.

“Amelia, what is it? What’s so heavy on your mind?” he asks, his tone pleading. “We’re in this together now, remember? You can talk to me about anything. I want to know what’s bothering you so I can help you figure out how to fix it.”

My heart squeezes in my chest and fills with so much love for him as he says those words. I love him for wanting to help me deal with whatever’s on my mind, but I know that there’s no help for what’s going on in my head.

“I know you want to help, but there’s nothing anyone can do. I’m just stressed out about a few things…they’ll work themselves out. Please don’t worry.”

“Why won’t you tell me? Don’t you trust me enough to help you through whatever it is you’re going through without judging you?” he asks me, defensiveness in his voice.

I can tell he’s getting a bit offended at my closed mouth, and I know I’m running out of time. I’m going to have to tell him sooner or later. I just wish I had more time to think about how I want to tell him that I know why his wife is dead.

“I trust you, baby. I trust you with my life. It doesn’t have anything to do with that. It’s really nothing for you to worry about. I just don’t want you to worry about anything other than your upcoming game,” I tell him, stroking his cheek softly.

“I call bullshit, Amelia. You might as well tell me, because I’m not going to let it go until you do.” He leans against the counter, his arms crossed stubbornly.

I swallow hard. I know what’s coming and I know I can’t stop it. I have no more excuses. I have no more reasons not to tell him. He can clearly see that something other than stress is bothering me, and he’s not going to leave it alone until I tell him what’s really going on. I’ve imagined how he’s going to react to the words that are about to come out of my mouth, and I know it’s not going to go well.

I sigh deeply, taking him in. His eyes are soft as he looks at me, waiting for me to speak. My mouth goes dry, and it feels like my tongue is a big sheet of sandpaper in my mouth. I try to swallow it, but I can’t, so I move to the sink to get a glass of water. I take several gulps before setting the glass on the counter. I’m sure he thinks I’m stalling, but the physical reaction I’m having is very real. I don’t want to do this, but I know I have to.

“It’s okay, baby. Talk to me, please,” he urges.

I take another sip of water before putting the glass down and looking at him. His eyes are pleading with me. My heart aches even more.

I know I can’t keep it from him anymore. I have to be honest with him no matter what happens. He deserves to know the truth.

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