Page 30 of Mind Pucked

His muscles are tight, rippling everywhere. I didn’t realize there was all that under his hockey jersey. I nearly turn into a puddle and have to tear my eyes away before he notices.

He smiles a kind smile, and it makes me almost forget what happened last night. To my dismay, instead of going upstairs to take a shower first and putting on a shirt, he sits down at the table with Hayden and me.

I try not to gulp audibly at his closeness, but I know if I don’t distract myself with something, I will explode.

“It’s just hot dogs,” I say as I push some of the toppings toward him.

“Thanks,” he says as he begins to make his plate. “It’s perfect.” He plops some cut onions on top. “I wanted to be sure I got home before you put Hayden to bed. I missed her going to sleep the last few nights and…well, I needed this,” he adds.

“Do you need me to head out then?” I wonder, not wanting to overstep.

“No, you have to put me to seep,” Hayden says as she bounces up and down in her chair.

“Your daddy can do that,” I say, and I begin to get up, but then I feel a hand on my arm.

I look down to see Jackson’s hand there.

“No, it’s alright, you can stay. Enjoy the food you made and put her to bed. She likes it when you do it,” he adds as he takes a bite of his food.

I smile as I take a bite of mine as well.

For a while we all three sit and talk. We eat our meal together, and all the while he still has his shirt off. I catch myself several times glancing his direction, but I have to cut my eyes away so he doesn’t catch me. I don’t know why my body is betraying me like this.

We all laugh together as Hayden talks about her various adventures with her Barbie dolls, and I’m happy when Jackson explains more about hockey. Just because my brother was a player doesn’t mean I know much about it.

I fake my way through the rest of the conversation, learning about different shots that are achieved with a stick and a puck. It feels so natural to be sitting here, almost like we’re a little family. That thought brings me back to Lyla.

I feel bad, like I’ve taken her job, even though I know she can’t be here. I wonder what it would be like for me if she had survived, and if my brother had survived. Would I be a nanny? Most likely not, but I’m glad my path has brought me here.

Once we’re done eating, we all three clean up together. I smile as Hayden works diligently at moving food around the table in the name of cleaning it. I let her continue to clean as I put away the dishes, but I wipe the table down after her for good measure. Of course, I wait until she’s in the other room to do so.

As I finish cleaning the kitchen, I can’t help but admire the laughter coming from the other room. It wafts through the air as her dad tickles her and plays with her. I love seeing them interact together, but it gives me a strange feeling.

I walk into the living room and listen to Hayden talk to her father as I clean up in here too.

“Today we played outside,” she says, talking a mile a minute. “We used the water ballons. Auntie Quinn came, and her kids.”

“Oh?” Jackson says, looking up at me.

“Yeah, the kids played Candy Land, and then Hayden did all her colors. She knows more of them than the older kids do…I’m impressed,” I add.

“That sounds like a fun day, baby,” Jackson says, as he kisses a now yawning Hayden on the head. “I’m glad you got to see your Auntie Quinn and the kiddos, but I think you are ready to head to bed now,” he adds, handing her over to me.

“You sure you’re okay with this?” I ask.

“Yeah,” he answers. “I think while you put her to bed I’m going to go up and take a shower, but I’ll be done by the time she goes to sleep, I’m sure.”

I nod as he makes his way up the stairs. With Hayden on my hip, I pick up the last few things in the living room and head upstairs with her in tow.

“I let her lie down on the couch in the living room on Friday nights to watch TV until she falls asleep as a treat,” Jackson yells out of his room. “She likes to take a stuffed animal with her.”

“Okay,” I say as I head into her room with her to get her ready for bed.

Once her nightgown is on and her teeth and hair are brushed, I take her back into her room to choose which animal she wants.

“I want the brown bear,” Hayden says as she grabs it off her bed and takes my hand to head back downstairs.

It takes next to no time and only half an episode ofMy Little Ponybefore she falls asleep. I smile up at Jackson from the couch as he walks in. He gathers Hayden up in his arms to carry her limp and sleeping form up to her room. While he’s gone, I gather my things. I don’t want to allow much time for Jackson to get all up in arms again.

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