Page 30 of Knot My Secret Santa

Things would be easier if I didn’t love Nathaniel.

I skidded to a stop near my door. Fuck. Did I just think that? No, no, no. I could not be in love with my boss. It was bad enough that I slept with him, but I could reason it was the fault of my heat. Love, on the other hand, was a whole different matter.

“Dammit.” I entered my code into the keypad and opened the door. Switching on the kitchen light, I put my grandmother’s cookies on the counter. Usually I would have gobbled down a handful already, but my stomach was doing too many flips and twists. “I don’t love him. I don’t.” More tears wet my cheeks. “I’m not going to cry over him!”

I needed a distraction.

I set my phone in its recharger and flipped on the TV. One Christmas movie coming up. Then I picked up the two gifts from my Secret Santa which Noelle had brought home for me and curled up on the couch. I refused to think about Nathaniel.

Christmas music filled my tiny house as the film started, and I carefully opened the first gift. A smile lifted my mouth as I admired the artwork. It was an eight by eight painting of Snowflake Lane. The artist had done a spectacular job of capturing the lights and magic of the parade. A certificate attached to the back said the proceeds from the sale of the painting went to support women artists in the Seattle area.

It was beautiful. I would keep it up all year round as it filled me with warmth and joy.

The second gift was much heavier, and when I opened it, I furrowed my brows a little. It was an epicurean pizza cutter. Very nice, a solid gray slate… just a few shades darker than Nathaniel’s eyes.

Pizza cutter. Focus. Handy, but a strange gift in terms of all the other incredible ones. Kris had nailed every present so far, but this was… Oh! There was an envelope in the packaging. I carefully extracted it and opened it.

I gasped and my eyes watered again. It was a two hundred and fifty dollar gift certificate from my favorite pizza joint. There was a note scrawled on the back:Enjoy pizza with your family on Christmas Eve.

That was exactly what we did every Christmas Eve when our house was full of guests. How did Kris know? He must be getting all this information from Noelle. There was no other way. He was treating my family to a meal, so none of us had to cook the night before Christmas, and we could just enjoy each other’s company.

Kris understood me. Every gift had been thoughtful and incredibly generous.

It was all way too expensive, everything he’d given me. The Secret Santa game was made more for cute little presents, but I’d been taught to graciously receive gifts. No matter the price, if they were extravagant or handmade, you thanked the giver and enjoyed what they gave you.

I hadn’t given Kris a single thought over the past few days, and I suddenly felt guilty for it. He’d put all this time and money into wowing me with his Secret Santa gifts. I would be certain to thank him profusely when we went to the theater to see The Nutcracker on Saturday. I could finally have time to get to know this sweet Beta, and maybe he would help me forget Nathaniel.

Nope. Not thinking about him.

Not imagining his hands winding through my hair as he presses me hard into bed with his kisses. Not wanting his hot body flush against mine as my legs part for him. Not at all craving his big cock thrusting into me as he growled my name in my ear.

I gripped the pillow on the couch as I shuddered, slick gushing forth. The sharp pain in my lower abdomen hit fast and throbbed, demanding I get those exact things I was totally not thinking about. I cried out as it only aches worse. This cannot happen. I won’t let my heat control my life.

Forcing myself up, I stumbled toward the bathroom and banged into the counter. The pain of the corner hitting my hip was drowned out by the screaming of my heat. Cold shower. A cold shower would help. And some time with my vibrator.

I fell to my knees, curling up into a ball on the floor, and let out a scream of want and frustration. Fuck, this hurt. It hurt like nothing ever before in my life.

But there was no way I was going to call Nathaniel. We were done.

CHAPTER TWENTY – Nathaniel

The wind whipped at my car as I slowly drove down the narrow drive. There were no lights. I’d even turned off the headlights as I turned into the drive as not to disturb anyone in the house. Thankfully the wind was wicked, but the sky mostly clear, and I could see enough not to drive into a tree.

When Avery had texted me at just after three in the morning that her heat was out of control, I didn’t hesitate. Not that I’d been sleeping. After the way we had left things at the hotel, I went over the moment a thousand times. What could I have said or done differently to get her to stay? And the second she’d left the room, my soul felt shattered, and I realized I needed nothing more than to have her in my life.

Even if it meant my reputation and that of my company’s.

I parked beside her car in front of this tiny house. I’d known she lived in a home she designed herself, but it shocked me that it was so small. How could anyone live comfortably in such a confined space? I wanted to rush in, take her away, and give her a giant manor to keep her happy and protected.

My hands tightened on the steering wheel. Avery wouldn’t want that. She wasn’t about things big and grand. And I didn’t know how to do anything otherwise.

Opening the car door, I pulled up my coat’s collar as the wind lashed at me. I hurried to her door, which she said would be unlocked and quickly went inside. My breathing quickened. She was in pain. She needed help.

The tiny house was cozy, surprising me with room to move around, and it was decorated from floor to ceiling for Christmas. I flung off my coat and shoes. Where was she? The TV was displaying a couple laughing and building a snowman together. I peered into the empty bathroom. “Avery?”

“Nathaniel.” Her distressed whine whipped my head upwards. A loft. I swiftly climbed up the bookcases which were also stairs and smacked my head against the ceiling in the rush to get to her.

I hissed through my teeth as I went down to my hands and knees, crawling onto the bed. Avery was curled up against the headboard, naked and glistening with perspiration under the moonlight from the long rectangular skylight.

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