Page 20 of My Secret Santa Mason

“The past can kill you without even trying,” Tanner said carefully. “Sometimes it’s better to just let it go, to trust that it really is over.”

“Trust?” I snorted. “I don’t have that luxury. You weren’t there, Tanner. You have no idea who these people are. We were trained to never stop. And Iknowthey’ll keep going until the job’s done. Except, instead of saving people, the job has changed for them, and it’s about taking people out now. IknowI’m on that list.”

Tanner sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “I know your shit was very different from mine. And you’re right; there’s always something to be careful of. I don’t think you’re hiding out here, surviving the way you are, for no reason.”

He started putting the cut meat into the dishes I’d lined up for it while he talked, and I did the same. It was easier to talk when our hands were busy.

“I also know you.” Tanner kept going. “I know you’re still carrying that weight. You’ve got to let it go, man. You’ve got a chance to build a normal life here. To justbe. Maybe Cami isn’t such a bad thing in your life so you can just live in the moment.”

I shook my head. The thought of Cami only made my chest tighten.

“She’s trouble. I can feel it,” I said. “And I can’t afford to let my guard down, not with these new faces in town.”

Tanner didn’t argue, just nodded slowly. “Maybe you’re right. But maybe you’re wrong.” He finally looked at me, his eyes intense. “I just know that always worrying about the past is going to catch up with you and can ruin a future that might be better than you ever imagined. I know you love this life. I did, too. But do you have any idea how muchlivingwe missed out on over the years?”

I didn’t respond. I knew what he was trying to say, but it wasn’t that easy. For Tanner, it was simple. His past was over. And Rae’s past that had caught up with her had been dealt with. They had nothing to worry about, whereas the weight of my past and the uncertainty of the future nearly crushed me.

Cami stirred something inside me, something I hadn’t allowed myself to feel since I’d enlisted a whole lifetime ago. But it wasn’t just desire—there were warning bells in my head, too. And I couldn’t just ignore them.

9

CAMI

“We’ll find something great, I promise,” Rae said. “The fun part is that Laken issoeasy to buy for. She loves everything about Christmas.”

I grinned. “She’s my kind of person. Thanks for helping me with this.”

“Of course! I love getting out of the house, anyway.”

Hunter wasn’t with us today. We were shopping without him—Rae had paid one of the teenagers in town to look after him for an hour or two so that she could just breathe while we shopped.

I’d drawn Laken’s name, and I had no idea what to get her. I didn’t know anyone in town well enough. I’d gotten to know a lot of people over the past six months but not well enough to know what gifts they liked.

The store was a holiday wonderland—rows of ornaments twinkled under the cheery glow of string lights, and the air smelled of pine and cinnamon.

It was like stepping into a Christmas card, warm and welcoming, with shelves stocked full of everything from handmade candles to cozy scarves.

I loved this place, even if the weather outside was freezing. Snow blanketed the sidewalks, and people bustled in and out, their breath visible in the crisp winter air. Inside, though, it was warm and bright, a refuge from the cold.

Rae walked beside me, holding up a beautifully knit scarf. It had been made by one of the townspeople.

“What do you think? Laken could use this. She’s always outside with the horses, and it’s soft enough that it won’t irritate her skin.”

I nodded, running my fingers over the material. It was perfect for Laken—practical, yet thoughtful, and exactly the kind of thing she’d appreciate. “I like it,” I said, smiling. “It’s simple, but something she’ll actually use.” I frowned. “Is it too cliché, though? Almost like a pair of socks?”

“We can keep looking,” Rae said. “And if we find nothing else, we’ll come back.”

I nodded, and we browsed the shelves, but my mind wasn’t fully focused on the shopping. Instead, it kept drifting back to Mason. It never stopped, even when I told myself not to. Even when I tried so hard not to think about him… but the harder I tried, the more I failed.

It was usually like that, wasn’t it?

Don’t think of a pink elephant.

Same thing, except whenever I thought of Mason, warmth rushed over me and pooled between my legs. His touch, the way his breath had felt against my skin, the tension that had crackled between us like an electrical storm… I had to stop myself from blushing right there in the middle of the store.

“You okay?” Rae asked, pulling me back to the present. Right, we were in a PG store, not the kind of place where I should get turned on and think about dirty sex with a mountain man.

She watched me curiously.

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