Page 10 of Pansies

Never mind that he was kneeling on the floor with another man’s dick in his mouth, and he wanted it so badly, he thought he might come.

He bowed his head, taking Fen deeper. Because the invasionwas part of the pleasure. And itwasan invasion, a sick, wonderful, perfect invasion, stretching his mouth, just on the edge of choking of him.

He told himself it was nothing to be ashamed of, shuddering and groaning around a man’s cock, taking those harsh, stuttering thrusts.

Then Fen made a noise so like a sob. One of his legs came up to rest on Alfie’s shoulder. And Alfie stopped thinking about anything but the man he’d made do that. Feel like that.

The man who was coming apart beautifully and fearlessly above him and with him. Because of him.

“Oh God.” Fen clawed into his shoulders. “St-stop. Or I’ll—”

Alfie drew back. “But I want…I want you to.”

For a moment, they were silent, breathing hard, staring at each other, Fen’s eyes banked behind misted glass. Then he said, “Fuck me.”

“Uh.” Alfie curled a hand absently about one of the other man’s knees, nestled his head against his leg. “I don’t really…not casually like.”

“Saving yourself for marriage?”

“Just…more than… Just a proper relationship. Something real.”

Fen was wearing a look Alfie couldn’t read. It reminded him of the way he’d been at the Rattler: brittle and angry and not liking Alfie very much. “Well, didn’t you grow into a nice heteronormative young man?”

Alfie pressed an openmouthed kiss to the inside of Fen’s thigh. Sucked at the skin until he moaned. “This not enough for you?”

“No, it’s, it’s… Oh God, Alfie, I just want to feel you.” His voice got so ragged Alfie barely heard him whisper, “Please.”

Alfie’s heart gave a sort of lurch. “Fuck, mate, I’m really sorry.I haven’t got anything.”

“W-what?”

“I haven’t got anything. I thought I was going to a wedding. Not out on the pull.”

Out of nowhere, Fen laughed. Like his smile, it didn’t seem very happy. He covered his face with his hands again, pale hair falling wildly through his fingers. “Oh God, I just begged you to fuck me. Oh God.”6

“Mate, Fen, it’s all right.”

“It’s not. It’s really not.”

Alfie gazed up at him, bewildered, suddenly miles away from whatever the man was thinking, as if all that touching meant nothing at all. “I liked it.”

“Hah. I bet you did.”

There was an endless silence. Alfie’s cock ached.

“I can go out?” he offered hopelessly. “The big Asda is twenty-four seven, right?”

God, what would he look like? Running in there half-dressed at eight o’clock at night to buy extra strong condoms and a tub of lube.

That wasDaily Mailgay.

But if he had to do it, he had to do it. He wanted that tight, angry note out of Fen’s voice.

Wanted his secrets. The softness in him. Everything his body gave.

Fen took his hands away from his face, blinking slightly owlishly, his eyes flat and green through a haze of glass and gold.7 “You’re going to drive to the nearest superstore for condoms? All because I want you to fuck me?”

Alfie grinned. “I’ll pick you up a box of Milk Tray while I’m there.”

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