Page 50 of Pansies

“You’re not sorry at all, are you?”

Alfie just grinned again. Settled into driving. Even though it was South Shields, and the best he could hope for was a short stretch at fifty as they followed the cloud-reflecting sea.

“So,” Fen was barely audible over the Sagaris, “this is your…pussy wagon analogue? Whatever that’s called.”

“Um. Cockmobile?”

“Quickly, Robin, to the cockmobile!”

Alfie laughed and slanted a look at Fen, just in time to see the smile fading from his lips. “Okay, I should probably come clean before I—”

“Oh my God, it’s stolen.”

“What? No. And she’s not an it.”

“Sorry. To both of you. I don’t quite know why I went there.”

“You really do have a low opinion of me, don’t you?”

“No. Well.” Fen shifted in the passenger seat. “I just mean, you see a car like this in South Shields and it’s either stolen or the driver’s not from around here. But I guess…I guess you’re not from around here anymore.”

“Dunno about that, but I’m definitely not a crook. And I was going to say, the Sagaris isn’t all that. Not for a sports car. I took a Veyron out for a spin a couple of years ago. Thought about upgrading.”

“I have no idea what any of this means, but why didn’t you?”

Alfie shrugged. “Because I love my car. I bought her with my first bonus. It was really weird. I had the car of my dreams and nowhere to drive her.”

“Why’s it…she…a girl?” Fen asked after a moment.

“I never really thought about it. I guess it’s traditional, like ships or whatever?” He suddenly felt the prickle of Fen’s attention on the back of his hand, where it still rested lightly on the gearstick. “Besides, she’s a bit sensitive. Needs a gentle touch to get the best out of her. Guys don’t usually ask me for that.”

“Surely it depends on the guy.”

“Is that what you want?” Alfie risked another sideways glance, but Fen was resolutely staring out of the window, his reflection as wavering as the moonlight over the waves. “Someone to be gentle?”

“Sometimes, yes, when I’m in the mood for it.”

“And other times?”

“Then I want…something else.”

Alfie’s hand had gone white-knuckled. And his mouth was dry. Drive. Just drive.Don’t think about it.

But he was thinking about it.

About being gentle. And being…not gentle. With Fen.

“Alfie?”

“Uh. Yeah?”

“I know I agreed to this, but I can’t promise I won’t change my mind. And you’ll accept that, right?”

Alfie pulled into the space he’d found yesterday in front of the boarded-up building and turned off the engine. The silence, somehow, seemed even louder. He turned in his seat to look at Fen. “Course I will. I mean, I won’t like it much.”

Fen was staring at his hands, twisting the band of green wire round and round his finger.

Alfie reached out and untangled Fen’s hands. “Do you want me to leave you alone?”

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