Page 128 of Pansies

“I’m not expecting anyone,” said Fen, sounding worried.

“Might just be a door-to-door thing.” Or maybe the parents of the kid he’d nearly beaten up a couple of nights ago, coming for retribution. But there was no way he was scaring Fen with that. “I’ll go.”

Fen scrambled off the sofa. “Absolutely not. I’m coming with you.”

It would never before have occurred to Alfie to be…not frightened, exactly, he sure as hell wasn’t going to befrightened, but…apprehensive, maybe, about opening the front door. He kept telling himself he wasn’t on an episode ofPanorama, and probably he wasn’t going to be gay-bashed in front of a flower shop, but by the time he reached the bottom of the stairs, his heart was beating so hard he could taste copper at the back of his throat.

With an adrenaline-shaky hand, he unlocked the door and yanked it open. Found Leyla and Peter Brown standing on the step. She was holding some kind of box. He was staring at the ground.

“Erm,” Pete told the pavement, “I know this is weird like.”

“Is this about the van?” asked Fen, squeezing under Alfie’s arm.

“No, no. Van’s fine. This is about…” Pete seemed to run out of steam.

Leyla elbowed him. “He’s come to say sorry. For being an ignorant homophobe.”

“I’m norra homophobe.” Pete finally looked up. “I mean, I don’t really like being around puffs, but I don’t hate them.”11

Alfie bristled and opened his mouth to respond, but Fen got in first. “Well, I appreciate it. Thanks for stopping by to let us know.”

“Pete.” Leyla elbowed her husband again.

He shuffled. Went a sort of shiny purple colour. “Erm, yeah. Fen. The reason I threw a hissy fit when you came in today was cos it reminded me of a lot of stuff I’ve felt bad about. I know I was a knobhead to you growing up.”

“That’s putting it mildly.”

“Aye. It wasn’t right. And I’m proper sorry.”

Alfie could feel the tension in Fen’s body. But all he said was, “Thank you. And well done for reducing your violent antipathy towards queers to a mere personal distaste.”

“It wasn’t that. It was cos I was jealous, okay?”

“What?” Fen blinked. “You mean, you wanted to be roughed up by the big boys too?”

“What? Fuck me. No. I’m not like that.”

Leyla, who seemed to be amused by the whole exchange, came to her husband’s rescue. “He’s pretty straight. But people are complicated, so never say never, right?”

“I’m saying never,” protested Pete. “And I was jealous cos you…you just did what you wanted. And you never let anyone make you feel bad for it.”

“Oh, believe me. You made me feel pretty bad.”

“Well, you never let anyone stop you, then. When I spent my whole life being stopped.”

Alfie had been pretty close to Pete. Figured he knew the guypretty well. So this was completely bewildering. “What are you talking about?” he asked.

“I know sorry doesn’t mean much. But I am. And I made this to show you.” Pete reached for the box his wife was holding and began easing off the lid. Nestled in the bottom were two pastry swans, their necks forming the shape of a heart, and their wings delicately iced in rainbows.

It was all Alfie could do not to laugh…but it was surprise, more than anything.

Fen stared at Pete, wide-eyed. “Did you make these?”

“Aye.”

“They’re beautiful.”

He blushed. “Ta. Always liked it better than cars. But…me da, y’know. Would’ve probably killed him. And you better not be sniggering there, Alfie Bell.”

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