Page 110 of Pansies

“I mean, I wouldn’t mind.”

Fen laughedagain. “You must really like fucking me.”

“I really like everything about you.” He sat up, pulling Fen with him. “Don’t you want to?”

“Get married?” Fen sounded so horrified it was almost funny.

“No. I mean, not now. I mean, I would like to get married someday.”

“Well, I believe marriage is a heteronormative construct.”

Alfie rolled his eyes. “You would. But look, you like me and I like you and we like being together. Isn’t that dating? Mebbe a relationship?”

“We’ve known each other less than a week. And for at least some of that week, I really wanted to put your head down the toilet.”

“Actually, we’ve kind of known each other for years.”

“Oh yes.” Fen bit his lip. “All that bullying: a solid foundation of intimacy.”

Alfie did his best to sound neutral. Rather than bleedy. “That a no, then?”

“It’s a…I don’t know what it is. Everything’s really complicated right now. And in any case, you’ll be going back to London soon.”

“That’s just logistics. We could figure it out.”

Fen shook his head. “I can’t, Alfie. I’ve got to take care of Pansies.”

“It’s a shop. Not your kid.”

“Yes, well, if it was my kid, Social Services would be taking it away from me on the grounds of neglect bordering on abuse.”

“I thought you didn’t want to be running a flower shop.”

Fen hid his face behind his hands. “Please, don’t. I don’t want to have to think about this now.”

“Shit. Sorry.” Alfie flung an arm over his shoulder and pulled him in tight. “Did I wreck everything?”

“No,” said Fen in a small voice. “But I understand if you don’t want to hang around.”

“Don’t be daft. I’m always going to want to hang around. And I’m sorry I pushed.”

“I’m sorry I can’t be what you want.”

Alfie knocked his knee against Fen’s, where they dangled over the edge of the bonnet. “You can be a real doof sometimes, y’know? You’re everything I want. I just thought it’d be nice to be able to say you were my boyfriend, that’s all.”

Fen was quiet for a long time. “I’ll be your boyfriend now,” he whispered. “While we’re here. And I can pretend there’s nothing else in the world but us.”

“What a lucky bloke I am.”

Fen nestled deeper into the crook of Alfie’s arm. Put his head back on Alfie’s shoulder. “I’m so happy with you, Alfie.”

They sat that way for a while, sharing the quiet and the dark and the warmth of each other’s bodies. Time moved at its own pace, measured only in clouds that washed in rough waves across the sky. Eventually, Fen drooped, started, and caught himself with a drowsy murmur.

Alfie steadied him. “Time to get you to bed, sleepyhead.”

He tucked Fen into the passenger seat, noted, with some relief, that the Sagaris appeared to have survived the evening’sactivities, and got behind the wheel. Letting someone else—well, letting Fen—have control of his car hadn’t been terrible. Had been worth it, in fact, for Fen’s pleasure in it. But he was glad to be back where he belonged.

“You want some music?” he asked, as he eased them out of the lane. “Can’t promise you’ll hear much of it over the engine. But you can plug your phone in there.”

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