Page 21 of Naughty & Nice

Sadness washes over him, but before I can respond, he’s gone, leaving me alone once again.

“Shit,” I hiss, regretting every second of that interaction.

I know what he wants. I’m not that naive. I just wish… sometimes I wish that he could be a little more like… Wilder. Hendrix is so concerned about me and the future that he holds himself back.

I can’t really say anything, though. I’m not exactly pushing things beyond what we’ve always had. I’m just as scared as he is.

If we fuck this up, what do we have left?

Sure, Hendrix will have Wilder. But I’ll have nothing.

Every good thing in my life is because of Hendrix.

I have a family because of him. I have a big sister in the form of Lori. I have college, a life, a future.

Without him…

A sob threatens to erupt, but I catch it before it can.

It’s Christmas. I’m with my best friend. Nothing should be making me sad right now. That’s why we booked this trip—to leave all the heartache and drama behind. We’re supposed to be enjoying ourselves.

Idon’t remember Hendrix coming to bed last night, but the second I wake up, I’m more than aware that he did.

His heavy arm is wrapped around me, and the length of his body is pressed against my back.

I love it.

He makes me feel so safe, secure, wanted, needed… loved.

Sucking in a deep breath, I hold onto those feelings.

There were so many years when I was a kid when I didn’t experience a single one of them. Now, I never want to lose them.

With Hendrix, I belong, and it would kill me if that ever changed.

But as much as I love being in his embrace, now I’m awake, I need to pee and get up. It’s one habit that I haven’t been able to break.

If I didn’t get up for my little brother, no one would. And he was always awake with the sun. No matter how sick or exhausted he was, he would always wake up.

It was our time. The house would be in silence, no one shouting or screaming. No one hurting each other. It was just the two of us playing silly little games, trying to make the best out of the shit hand we’d been dealt.

Now, it’s just peaceful, only instead of enjoying my time with him, I’m forced to remember him.

Pain cuts through my chest just like I’m sure it always will.

There’s a part of me that can understand why my parents completely fell apart after his death. But I will never, ever understand why they couldn’t have been there for either of us before the worst happened.

I’ll never forgive them. Ever.

It takes some serious ninja skills, but I manage to slip out from Hendrix’s arm without waking him. I might be an early riser, but he is not.

I pad to the door, swiping a hoodie he abandoned yesterday before silently slipping from the room.

I sneak into the bathroom to pee and freshen up before tiptoeing through the cabin. The last thing I need right now is to wake up Wilder. I require at least an hour and some good, strong coffee before I can deal with him. But the second I step into the living room, I discover that being quiet isn’t necessary.

The couch is empty.

Startled, I look around, expecting him to be hiding in the shadows, waiting to pounce on me when I least expect it.

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