Page 168 of One Big Little Secret

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WILD CARD (PATTON)

Apparently, despite being a member of this family for three damn decades, I had no idea just how much shit my brothers are capable of hurling at me.

Just showing up with Salem on my arm opens the floodgates.

“I never thought you’d be into the secretary type.” Archer shrugs and laughs, popping open another beer as he leans against the front step. The porch leads into the backyard, where a pristine lawn and garden meets a swimming pool in the nicer weather. Right now, it’s still covered for winter and the grass is brown.

“Yeah, man, I would’ve thought you’d give Miss Willis a chance.” Dexter grins. “She’s been hitting on you for years.”

“I’m not into secretaries. For fuck’s sake,” I growl, leaning against the aged wood and taking a deep breath. “You guys can knock it off. It just happened.”

Inside, somewhere, I hope Salem’s holding her own. Not fending off a similar assault of teasing questions from my mother, though she wouldn’t be half as bad as these piranhas.

Mom has a moral backbone and she isn’t nearly so obnoxious. That’s more than I can say for the two leering ass-vampires in front of me.

“Sex doesn’t just happen, Pat,” Dexter says. “First you gotta take off her clothes.”

“Orshedoes,” Archer interjects. “Let’s not assume little brother knows everything just yet.”

“His first big boy relationship. How sweet.”

“Get fucked. Both of you. With a rusty screwdriver,” I mutter.

“Yeah, and how fucked is she to be with you? What did youdoto her, Pat?” Dexter asks. He hasn’t stopped beaming his smarmy grin ever since we walked through the door, arm in arm. “I always thought she was nice and levelheaded. But I guess some chicks have a few hidden buttons, if the right screwball comes around and pushes them just right—”

“Enough,” I snarl.

“Dex is right, I just can’t see it. Salem’s smart, organized, and easy on the eyes, and she’s with you?” Archer squints at me. “Did you pay her?”

“Boys!” Juniper’s nose wrinkles as she steps out on the porch. “You’re talking this much crap before dinner? Can we be civilized for one evening?”

“He deserves it,” Dexter says, receiving a smack across the head for his trouble.

Thankfully, Junie isn’t pulling any punches tonight.

I owe her.

“While I don’t doubt Patton’s been a royal pain in the ass in the past,” she says, giving me a narrow-eyed look I definitely deserve, “he’s bringing a girl aroundfor the first time. So be nice.”

“You don’t need to whisper,” I say. “I’m right here.”

“Oh, I know. I need someone around who can enjoy a dessert that’s not eighty percent cocoa.” Smiling, Junie holds out a trayof her usual delectable cupcakes. “The two on the end are for Dex. They have about as much sweetness as he does, which is absolutely none right now. The rest are for the fam and our guests.” She holds up a finger. “Ifyou guys can play nice.”

“Aw, Junie.” Archer grabs the fattest cupcake on the end, stuffing it into his mouth. “We always play nice. Stick around and learn.”

“Well, I’m just glad Patton found someone who likes him,” she continues.

Ouch.

I nab a cupcake, happy for the distraction. “I’mstillright here, you know.”

“Yes, you are,” Junie says, leveling a finger at me. “And you listen to me, Mr. Patton. If you evenconsiderbreaking that poor girl’s heart, I will cut off your balls and put them in a cake.”

That’s weirdly violent for her.

I blink dumbly.

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