Page 142 of One Big Little Secret

A fair question. Maybe the first one I’d ask, too.

Thehowis obvious, at least.

“Well, it’s… it’s complicated,” I manage. Worst answer ever, I know.

I press my fingers into the lounger, feeling the luxe material give way under the pressure.

He inhales sharply, staring at me again, his eyes demanding answers.

“I didn’t even know who you were until a couple months ago.”

“When you started at Higher Ends,” he finishes coldly.

“Yeah. That’s when I realized exactlywhoI slept with all those years ago.”

The tiniest hint of a smile curls his lips, then drops again.

His voice is strangled when he says, “I told you my name, didn’t I?”

“…we were so drunk, Patton. I thought you were just some rich guy. Just someguywith a life to get back to where a baby wouldn’t ever fit.” And I never bothered looking for him because I didn’t think he would care about the fact he’d had a son with me. “I didn’t want that kind of friction, feeling like I’m forcing it, putting a burden on you. I didn’t want my son growing up with a father who never wanted him.”

Yep. I know I sound like the lamest human being on the planet.

But my worries are valid.

After all, I’ve orbited the high life just enough to know rich people don’t like anything that comes back to haunt them. They definitely don’t like human drama hand grenades chucked into their picture-perfect lives that turn their careers and dreams into twisted shrapnel.

“The pregnancy was a shock,” I say into the silence. The dark desert beyond us feels bigger than ever. “A huge surprise, really. I had no clue one night could change my entire life so much.”

“We had sex, Salem. We were goddamned drunk.” Patton pinches his nose like he’s holding himself together. “I should have worn protection—my mistake. But you never said you weren’t on birth control.”

“Dude. I wasn’t expecting to get drunk and have a one-night stand with a stranger,” I say, my voice perilously close to losing control. “Trust me, I’ve thought about that night a whole lot more than you.”

He releases a breath through his nose. “So you didn’t know who I was. You got knocked up and you never looked for me once?”

I stare down at the cold stone under my feet.

“Maybe I should’ve tried. Everyone wanted me to. My parents spenthoursinterrogating me about it. And Kayla, she was ready to send my dress to a forensics lab to have it scraped for DNA…” I can feel his eyes on me, burning, but I don’t dare look at him and see the pity there. “But that’s the thing. I was never going to let them find out I got pregnant from a random hookup.”

“What did you tell them?” he asks, his voice softer.

“That the father was my deadbeat ex, this guy I dated briefly. They knew I kept my dating life pretty quiet, so it was believable. The irony is I never even slept with him, but they don’t need to know that.” I button my lips together before I reveal anothertruth I don’t want Patton to know: that drunken night on that casino boat was myfirst time.

He doesn’t need to know I was a virgin and the woman who kept his son a secret for years, all in the same freaking night.

“And Arlo? What the hell did you tell him?”

I swallow thickly.

“I haven’t…” This time, it’s my turn to put my hands over my face. “I always just told him his father was a man I met a long time ago and he went away. I always knew I’d have to come up with more than that someday. But he isn’t old enough to understand yet, not really.”

“Went away? That’s it? Fuck.” Patton cringes. I hate seeing it, but he asked for the truth. I can’t give him any less now. “You make it sound like Idied.”

That boulder in my throat just keeps getting bigger.

“For all I knew, you had. And making up lies about you—that was the least of my worries. My parents, they weren’t the most understanding people…” I trail off again.

Huge understatement. My parents hated the fact that I derailed my life more than I did.

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