Page 70 of One Big Little Secret

I have to rub my eyes as he looks at my son and asks, “So I do it like this, munchkin?”

What. Am. I. Seeing.

Patton, sprouting an actual sense of humor, partaking in something that isn’t money driven?

“No!” Arlo giggles, his face flushed with excitement. “You gotta sit on it or you’ll go snow surfing and then you’ll fall on your face.”

“Silly me. I thought it felt flimsier than the snowboards I remember when I was a kid.” His eyes find mine.

I die a little right there, imagining him as a teenage punk with a snowboard tucked under one arm.

Maybe that’s why he’s doing this.

The nostalgia bug must’ve bit him.

“Like this, then?” Patton watches Arlo as he sits.

I guess it’s my turn to feel the nostalgia bug’s teeth. For a heartbeat, he looks just like the man I met that night my life changed, and it feels like six years haven’t passed us by.

But I turn away before more incriminating thoughts eat me up—like how devilishly good he looks when he smiles with that obscene blue light in his eyes.

It’s so much more lively and attractive than the brass tacks beast he is at the office.

“Hmm, I think I’m still missing something.” Patton gently grabs Arlo, pulling him onto the front of the sled and wrapping an arm protectively around him.

He glances at me, a silent promise that he won’t let anyone get hurt.

As soon as I nod, they’re gone.

Crazy fast.

Faster than I went with Arlo, whipping down the hill like a rocket.

Maybe it’s the extra weight, or maybe it’s the way Patton leans forward, adjusting their center of balance with a wild grin etched on his face.

Either way, my chest tightens until my heart might break with mixed emotions.

Bittersweet confusion, a potent blend I don’t know how to deal with, much less digest.

Why’d he have to go and pick today of all days to be a decent man? When Arlo’s around, when he’s with hisson?

Also, the same day his son just spent the morning with his flipping grandmother.

It’s like the universe schemed up a secret family day out, only no one knows it but me.

And that dagger of terrible knowledge in my heart plunges deeper.

My nose stings. Hot tears crowd my eyes that have nothing to do with my frozen cheeks.

As soon as the sled reaches the bottom and they stagger off it, Arlo scrambles to his feet and runs back up the hill to me, leaving Patton to haul the sled up to the top again.

“Mommy! Mommy!” Arlo gasps with the widest grin I’ve ever seen. “Did you see that? We went faster than a race car.Vroom!”

“Sure did, sweetie. Why don’t you catch your breath?”

“He said he needed me to hang on and he’d hold me like a seat belt.” He makes a face and reaches up on his tiptoes as I lean down to hear him. Even though Patton is far enough away, he couldn’t hear even if he tried. “I didn’t have to. He just didn’t want you to worry.”

My face heats.

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