Page 205 of One Big Little Secret

“Exactly like that. Guys who drive tanks for a living don’t have half your courage.”

“Wow!” He nods, satisfied, resting his head back on the pillow. “I miss my tablet,” he mumbles.

I try not to laugh.

Kids are all the same, and there are times when they put adults to shame. Maybe because they haven’t been buried by other people’s crap yet.

It makes me smile as I smooth back the hair from his forehead. “You gave us all a scare though, you know.”

“Didn’t mean to.” His eyes fly open. “Oh, no. Mommy’s car. I didn’t mean to barf everywhere—”

“Hey, hey, shhhh. You were amazing, okay? I promise she’s not mad. Everyone’s so proud of you, little man.” I squeeze his hand. Salem hasn’t stirred, lost in her sleep over the whispers.

Fine.

I don’t want her to see me just yet.

I could use a little of his courage myself when I don’t want to face up to whatever our last conversation means.

“I don’t like the hospital.” Arlo wrinkles his nose. “It smells funny. Like before a bath with too much soap.”

“Yeah, these places are rough.”

“The bed feels hard too.”

“You’ll be back in your own bed soon,” I promise. “And once you’re better, I’ll take you somewhere warm and sunny, okay?”

His eyes light up, making him the most animated I’ve seen him so far today. “Like the beach? Do you think there will be dino shells?”

“Dino shells?”

“Like from dinosaurs.”

“Oh, you mean fossils?” I used to love dinosaurs when I was his age. Knowing Arlo loves them too makes me smile wider. “Sure. In fact, I bet I can bring you a dino shell soon. I can find you some real seashells too. How does that sound?”

“Awesome.” He yawns heavily.

This isn’t the time or place to tell Arlo I’m his dad, even though he’s still holding my hand like it’s the most natural thing in the world. I’ve held Colt’s hand a few times over the years, mostly when he was younger, but this feels different.

The kind of right that only comes from your own flesh and blood.

Shit, I need to leave before I lose it, and before I change my mind about leaving at all.

Salem can take it from here as soon as she wakes up. I’m certain she’ll do a better job of looking after Arlo than I can. She’s been there for so many years.

“Maybe we can put them in my aquarium, huh?” I say. “I think the fish would like a fossil or two.”

“And the seahorses!” he whispers.

“Yeah, those guys too. But right now, I need you to do something for me, okay? I need you to focus on getting better and being good for your mom. You keep her company, Arlo.”

He frowns. “Where are you going?”

“Florida. Just for a few days,” I tell him, but he doesn’t look like he registers what I’ve said. His eyelids droop shut again, and he lets out another cat-like yawn. “I’ll be back real soon, okay?”

He doesn’t answer since he’s already out.

I give Salem one last glance and get up, beginning to walk away.

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