Page 18 of Broken Hearts

Now it feels like I barely knew him at all.

“I didn’t even know she existed until she showed up here,” I mumble. “She doesn’t even know him or any of us, and she’s gonna ruin everything.”

“Nate,” Tanner says, leaning forward to rest a hand on my shoulder.

“What?”

He squeezes my shoulder, leaving his hand there as he says, “You didn’t know about her, and I’m gonna guess she didn’t know about you either. You aren’t the only one to lose Mitch, you know? Maybe go easy on her. It can’t be easy showing up here to a bunch of strangers who seem to think she has no right to mourn her father.”

I lean forward, pulling away from Tanner’s grip as I rest my elbows on my knees. I know what he’s saying is true, but it still doesn’t make it any easier to swallow. Sage might be his daughter, but as far as I can tell, she had no relationship with him.

But I did. I did have a relationship with him and I’m here, and still, I knew nothing about her.

I thought I could get to know my dad.

Her words from earlier ring in my ears, and I glance up at the apartment, wondering what she’s doing right now, if that’s really why she’s here.

“Maybe,” Tanner now says, interrupting my thoughts. “If you got to know her a little, you might also get to know Mitch some more.”

My eyes close as I scrub a hand down my face and stand from my chair. “I’m going to bed,” I say, not acknowledging Tanner’s comment as I turn and walk over to the guesthouse.

I roll over to check the time, knowing I may as well just get up considering I pretty much got zero sleep last night, Tanner’s words on a constant repeat in my head as I stared up at the slowly turning ceiling fan.

Deep down, I know I’ve been a dick to Sage. Just like even deeper down, I know she doesn’t deserve it.

“Shit,” I mumble, sliding out of bed. The sun is barely peeking above the horizon, but I still pull on my boardshorts, grabbing my board on the way out and crossing over the road to the beach.

I paddle out to where the waves are just starting to crest, sitting on my board as I wait for the perfect wave. When I see the ocean swell, I get ready, feeling the lift as I paddle my hands through the water, standing to catch the ride.

In my head, I hear Mitch’s voice, “Let the wave guide you.”But I already know I’ve fucked it, the wave breaking onto me as I’m thrown from my board.

It’s a fucking rookie mistake and not one I would normally make, but I know my head is still all sorts of messed up about last night, about the last couple of days, really. Blowing out a breath, I climb back onto my board, paddling back out as I force myself to clear the thoughts from my head.

I manage to get an hour or so of surfing in, my mind now blank as I focus only on the waves and the swell, on the perfect moment as I stand on my board.

By the time I’m walking out of the surf and over to the coffee shop, my head is clearer even if I still don’t have any answers to the million questions that linger at the back of my mind.

“Couldn’t sleep, huh?”

I look up to see Tanner standing at the counter, waiting for his order. I offer him a smile as I shake my head and say, “Not really.”

“Yeah, me either,” he says, grabbing his cup when the barista calls his name. “Been working on the board for Alana and I keep second-guessing the design.”

“You know Mitch loved all your boards. Pretty sure you can’t get it wrong,” I say, yawning.

Tanner chuckles as the server asks me for my order. I open my mouth to speak, but for some reason, nothing comes out. It’s not until Tanner nudges me and says, “If you can’t sleep, I’ll bet she can’t either.”

I want to roll my eyes at his comment, even if a part of me knows it’s probably true. And clearly my morning catching waves has cleared my head more than I realized as I say, “Two salted caramel cold brews, thanks,” before tapping my watch on the card machine. I turn back to him as I wait for my order. Tanner is watching me with a small smile on his face that makes me feel uncomfortable enough that I ask, “What?”

“I know this isn’t easy, Nate,” he says, his words low. “Mitch meant a lot to you, I get it.” I nod, not saying anything as Tanner continues. “He meant a lot to me too. And to Kai and Miles.”

“I know, okay,” I say, blowing out a frustrated breath. “I’m not trying to make out like I’m suffering the most here with him dying. That’s not?—”

“I know you’re not,” he says, cutting me off as the barista slides the two drinks along the counter to me. “Just remember, he probably meant a lot to her too, in his own way.”

I blink rapidly, my eyes suddenly stinging, which I blame on the saltwater from the ocean. Scrubbing a hand down my face, I don’t look at Tanner, just offer him a quick nod as I grab the coffees and turn and walk back to the shop.

After a quick shower, I get changed into some shorts and a T-shirt, stepping into some flip flops before grabbing the coffees and taking the stairs up to Mitch’s apartment. I knock once, my stomach churning with nerves as I wait to see the reception I’m going to get.

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