Page 10 of Why Not Now?

When I get inside, Lacey, my sixteen-year-old sister, is sitting on the couch watching TV and scrolling on her phone.

“Hey,” I say, dropping my purse and keys by the door and heading toward the stairs to the basement. “I won’t be home until late tonight.”

“I remember. Geez, Ava. You told me yesterday.”

“I know. I left you money on the fridge for dinner. You saw it?”

“Yes.”

She doesn’t look up at me as I pass, but I hear the eye roll in her voice. I race downstairs, stripping as soon as I close the door. I’d laid out my clothes last night, spending way longer than I should have picking a gold sweater dress, black leggings, and brown boots. I refuse to consider that I want to look nice for Derek, but as I turn to my mirror, buckling my brown leather belt around my waist, I know that’s why I spent so long selecting this outfit from my limited wardrobe. Thankfully, the braid I’d done this morning is still neat, so it’ll have to do.

I shake my head, calling myself ridiculous for caring so much about my appearance. Yes, he’s single. Yes, I’ve fantasized about kissing him again about twenty times a day since September. Yes, I’ve wondered what he’s like and if I’d love the man he is now the way I did then.

No, I’m not going to act on any of those thoughts.

I load up my camera equipment, grab my purse and keys from where I’d left them, juggling everything while Lacey remains glued to two screens.

“Please don’t forget to do the dishes,” I say. “And if you have any homework, I’d like for you to have it all done before you go out tomorrow.”

She has plans with a friend to go to a craft market or something.

“Yeah, sure,” she says without looking at me.

I hesitate, wondering if I should be more forceful, if I should insist she do the dishes or her homework now. But I can’t really enforce it since I need to leave. That’s always been one of the problems with our relationship: I can’t exactly ensure she’s doing what she needs to do when I spend so much time working. I also can’t be there for her as much as I want to be. I need to work to keep up with the bills that continue to flood in.

After our parents had died, there had been enough in their life insurance policy to pay for the mortgage, and that was it. The money they’d saved for me to go to college had been transferred to an account for Lacey and I’d started working, quitting school to focus on keeping us afloat, keeping Lacey’s life on an even keel. For close to nine years, I haven’t stopped.

I’ve never really known how to deal with Lacey. We’d gone from being sisters to me being more of a mom to her when I was barely more than a child myself. I didn’t know what I was doing then, and I don’t know what I’m doing now.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I say, then leave. I wave to my neighbour, Theresa, and get into my car again before she can try to pull me into a conversation. She’s nice, and has helped me a lot over the years, but once she starts talking, it’s hard to make her stop.

The drive to Blue Vista isn’t bad, traffic at a minimum. I park in the underground garage where Derek had taken me two months ago, pulling into a spot a few down from his little red car.

I remind myself to calm down. I’d known he would be here. I’d been expecting it. I might not even see him.

Loaded with all my equipment, I march out of the parking garage, around the corner, and through the front doors of the venue.

Of course, he’s right there when I come in, stirring a coffee in the staff lounge. Our eyes lock and he pauses his stirring.

He looks amazing, dressed in dark jeans and a blue button-up shirt that stretches across his shoulders. His curly, dark hair looks so soft that I want to shove my fingers into it.

He gives me a smile. “The one and only Ava Calligan. How’s it going?”

My heart flips over. Before we started dating, he used to greet me like that. It had always given me the sense that he was truly interested and glad I was there.

“Going okay,” I say, smiling back.

He opens his mouth, like he’s about to say something else, and I wonder if he’s going to remark on the fact that I’ve saidokayinstead ofgood. He’d always noticed when I wasn’t at my best, doing everything he could to make me feel better. However, Spencer comes into the lobby, interrupting the moment.

“Ava. It’s nice to see you again,” he says.

I blink as I turn to him. “It’s good to see you, too. Where can I set up?”

“Right this way.”

I glance at Derek, but he’s back to stirring his coffee, no longer looking at me, as though the moment hadn’t happened at all. I follow Spencer to a small room on the main floor near the kitchen, managing to keep my focus on what he’s saying as he leads me there.

“You can leave your things in here.” He hands me a key. “It’s not always available. We’ll usually set up a bride or groom in this room if the ceremony takes place here. Since the ceremony is at a church today, it’s free.”

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