Page 87 of Why Not Now?

“Part of that is my fault, isn’t it?” I say, feeling guilty.

“No!” She bites her lip. “I mean, yeah? Kind of. But Ava’s been so happy these last few weeks. I haven’t seen her like this for a really long time and it seemed wrong to… get in the way of that.”

I remove my glasses to rub the bridge of my nose before meeting her eyes again. “She wants to know how you’re feeling, Ace. You have to talk to her.”

“Do you love my sister?”

The question seems to come out of nowhere, startling the truth out of me.

“Yes.”

“Have you always loved her?”

It’s my turn to look away. The box in my pocket presses into my leg, reminding me of its presence. I stare at the cup of coffee I’d set on the table instead of looking at the girl calling me out. “Yes.”

“Then why did you leave us?”

I turn back to Lacey so fast, my neck hurts. Tears streak down her cheeks. “I didn’t—” But I cut myself off.

When I left, Lacey had been eight years old. She’d just lost her parents. She had two constants in her life. Ava and me. When I left… I shudder to think what she must have thought.

“Lacey, I’m so sorry. Ava and I had a fight. Neither of us were thinking clearly. It was stupid and I’m sorry you got caught in the middle. I don’t know what’s next for me and her, but I will make you a promise. No matter what, I will always be here for you. Okay?”

She nods, wiping the tears away.

“That includes today when you come clean to your sister. About everything.”

“What do you mean, come clean?” Ava asks and Lacey and I turn to see her as she reaches the top stair, a furious look on her face. “Come clean about what?”

Chapter 28

Ava

Mysisterandmyboyfriend glance at me, then at each other, and I hate the guilty look they share.

“What do you need to come clean about?” I repeat.

Lacey gets up from the couch and hands me her report card. I scan it, noting marks that are lower than she usually has, but one that is absolutely abysmal.

“You’refailingmath?” I say. “You’ve never failed a course before. What’s going on?”

“I—” She looks between me and Derek and he stands, coming around the couch to stand with us.

“Ava—” he begins.

“She told you about this?” I ask.

“She did. We talked about it this morning.”

“This isn’t Derek’s fault, Ava.”

That’s the last thing I want to hear. Because that really means it’smyfault. And I can’t hear how she went to him because I failed her.

“Go to your room,” I say, impressed when it comes out calm, my voice not wavering with guilt that is consuming me. “I’ll talk to you later. I want to talk to Derek first.”

Lacey looks at Derek, and I hate the expression she gives him: guilt, fear, apology. Like they’re in this together and I’m not. Like she wants him to take care of this for her because I can’t.

She goes to her room, closing the door.

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