Page 6 of Why Not Now?

“No,” she repeats firmly. “I’ll be fine. I don’t need you to give me a ride.”

I clench my teeth at her words, feeling like she’s slapped me. I take a deep breath. “Let me give you one, anyway.”

Bethany nudges her with her elbow. “Do it. I’ll feel better if I know you’re getting home safe.”

Ava looks between me and Bethany, the two of us basically ganging up on her, forcing her to accept my offer.

“All right,” she finally says with a shake of her head.

She’d always been stubborn about accepting help, but that was so long ago. With needing to raise her sister, I’d hoped she would get better at it. Turns out, she hasn’t.

I lead her out of Blue Vista toward the public underground parking garage around the corner before she can change her mind.

What am I doing? I ask myself. Why did I fight so hard to give her a ride? I don’t want this woman in my car where her presence will linger like a phantom for the next eight years. I take her to my little red Subaru WRX, anyway.

“If you don’t mind,” I say as we settle in and do up our seatbelts, “I’d like to stop at my place before we go to yours. One of the guests spilled wine on me and I’d like to change.”

“Sure.”

Perfect idea. First the car, now the house. I am an idiot.

I ignore my internal dialogue and pull out of the garage onto the Vancouver streets.

Her words from the day we broke up keep echoing in my mind, combining with what she said moments ago.I don’t need you.Well. I don’t need her either.

I drive out of downtown over the Granville Street Bridge, the water of False Creek sparkling in the moonlight. Just over the bridge, I turn onto my street. For the entire fifteen minute drive, we say absolutely nothing. I don’t turn on the music, worried about what might come on and remind me of something from our past. Eventually, I park in front of my townhouse and turn to her. “You can stay or come in. It’s up to you.”

What am Idoing?

“Will you be long?” she asks.

“I shouldn’t be. I need to change. Maybe feed my cat.”

She smiles and my heart stumbles over its next beat. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“You have a cat?”

I nod and get out. She follows me.

The whole way up to my front door of the townhouse I own, I think of that soft smile, remembering how much I tried to get her to smile at me like that when we were younger. How I wanted to always make her happy.

I let us in, and Abyss runs to greet me like the good girl she is.

“Hello, your majesty,” I say as I come in and set my keys on the table by the door. “Are you happy to see me, or do you just want some food?”

Ava closes the door behind her, and follows me into the kitchen. Abyss rubs her black, fluffy body against my leg, meowing at me, so I pick her up. “I knew it. You want food.”

She makes some more whiny cat noises before I fill up her dish and leave her to it.

Ava trails behind me as I go to the living room. “I’ll be right back,” I say as she looks around.

Why did I do this to myself? Why didn’t I just walk away? Now, the woman who has haunted my dreams for the last eight and a half years is downstairs in my living room. Not that I’d ever consider taking her back after the way she broke up with me.

I shed my clothes as soon as I reach my bedroom and rummage through my bottom drawer for a pair of pants. I hesitate for a moment before taking out a pair of grey sweatpants and putting them on. Then I grab a soft white t-shirt that stretches over my chest.

I catch sight of myself in the mirror above my dresser.

“You are a fucking idiot,” I tell my reflection.

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