Page 27 of Why Not Now?

I roll my eyes, picking up a pen. “We’re not dating. He’s just a friend.”

“You have a friend?”

She sounds more shocked by that idea than she had been by me dating. I get it. I’m so busy with work and keeping us afloat that all my friendships have faded over the years. A lot of my friends had pulled away after our parents died. The rest… well, friendship is a two-way street, and my side of the street is gridlocked. Bethany is pretty much it for me and I have a feeling the only reason we’ve managed to stay close is because we work together, and I see her there. I might also count Theresa, our next-door neighbour, as a friend, but again, proximity makes it easy to stay connected with her.

“He’s an old friend. We knew each other in high school. You probably don’t remember him.”

Suddenly, all the tiredness leaks out of me as I realize exactly what Lacey has been doing. Distracting me, so I simply sign the paper without looking.

“What is this, Lacey?” I look down at what I’m holding. “You failed your math test?”

She winces. “Barely. It wasn’t my fault. There were five questions on a topic Mr. Henley didn’t say would be on the test. So I didn’t study those. Half the class failed. He’s going to do another one on Monday and if we all pass, he’ll make it worth more than this one.”

“Isn’t the point of a test not to tell the students what questions will be on it?” I ask.

“Well, I guess. But this topic was from way back at the beginning of the semester. We’d already had a test on it.”

I rub my eyes. “Then you should have known the answers.” I take a breath. “You’re not going anywhere this weekend. You’ll stay home and study and you better get an A on Monday or else.”

“But I was going to go to the movies tomorrow with Jess and—”

I cut her off before she can list the whole group of friends who are going. “Not anymore.”

“How will you stop me?” she asks, eyes narrowed. “Aren’t you going out again?”

I set the pen down without signing the test. “I’m working. You know I have to work. It’s not like I’m going out for the fun of it.”

“What about tonight?”

I’d told her I was going out with a friend, but that was before I went to Derek’s house last night and ruined any potential friendship before it could begin by sleeping with him.

“I’m not sure if that’s still happening, but if it does, I’m taking pictures for my portfolio. Besides that, I’m not on trial here. You’re the one who failed your math test.”

She rolls her eyes. No one can roll their eyes like a sixteen-year-old girl who isn’t getting her way.

“Whatever. It’s not like you’re ever here, anyway.”

I wince. No one can fire shots that hit right in the spot you’re most vulnerable quite like a sister, either. “Look. We’ll talk about this when you get home from school. I have to get to work.”

Lacey huffs and gets up, stalking into her room and closing the door hard, though not exactly a slam.

I stare down at the math test. It had always been one of Lacey’s worst subjects and we’d fought since she started high school to get her through it. She’d already decided she’s not going to take it in grade twelve. Which doesn’t mean she can completely slack off on it this year.

Unfortunately, I know she’s right. I’m not here enough to keep her on track. I can’t help but think I’m failing her just as much as she’s failing math. But if I try working less, we’d have to cut back on things, maybe even move to a smaller house. This one is ridiculously expensive to heat and probably way bigger than we need for the two of us. When our parents had died, I’d wanted to make sure Lacey was in a stable place. I hadn’t wanted to uproot her when everything had already changed on her. Derek had mentioned we could potentially sell it and get something smaller, but he hadn’t understood my need to keep things the same. For Lacey.

If the last few years have taught me anything, it’s that being a parent and a sister is a difficult spot to navigate, and I don’t get a handy test to show me exactly how badly I’m doing or what equations I need to study. I just have to wing it and hope for the best.

It’s a constant balancing act between trying to be an authority figure and also someone she can come to if she’s struggling. Balancing between being there for Lacey and being there for myself as well. I’m probably a lot more out of balance than I’ve wanted to admit to myself.

I sign the test and head out to my car. Theresa is in her yard and calls to me before I can get in.

“Hi, Theresa,” I say.

“Hey. How is it going? You getting ready for Christmas?”

I hate it when she asks questions like this. She’s a single mom but has the help of her parents, so she’s always ready for everything before I am: the start of school, Halloween, Christmas, birthdays.

“Getting there,” I lie.

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