Page 12 of Why Not Now?

“I just thought it smelled nice,” I told him. “It made me think of you.”

“You all right?” he asks now, bringing me back to the present.

I nod, mutely. My body flushes with heat, spreading out from where we touch. I want to press closer, pull his head down so I can find out if his kiss still evokes a feeling of heat, heaven, and home. His fingers tighten on my arms, pulling me a fraction closer. His head dips.

Then he clears his throat and takes a measured step back, releasing me. I shiver at the loss of his warmth.

“Just wanted to make sure you don’t need a ride tonight,” he says. “I’m about to head out, but I’ll wait if you... need me to.”

I try not to let myself feel the desire echoed in his eyes. I try not to feel a little melty at the concern he’s showing. I fail at both.

“No. My car is running okay today.” I offer him a smile, hoping it doesn’t look forced.

“All right. I guess I’ll see you later, then.”

I watch him walk away, certain he wants me as much as I want him.

He always made me believe I was the most beautiful person in the room. I haven’t had that sense of belonging, that sense of being important to someone just for being me and not because he needs something, for a very long time.

Chapter 4

Derek

IthinkaboutAvaa lot more than is strictly wise over the next few days. I’ve almost convinced myself I’d imagined her reaction to me and mine to her, except the way my stomach feels at the thought of seeing her again this afternoon calls me a liar. She’s supposed to come to Blue Vista later to take some pictures of our Christmas decorations. It’s been nine days since she was here for the last wedding—not that I’m counting. When I woke up this morning, I chose my nicest pair of slacks, a charcoal grey button-up shirt, and black boots. I usually wear jeans and a t-shirt if there’s no event going on.

Before I head in to work, though, I stop at my sister Gina’s house with a bag of food from Lis. I enter without knocking, calling out to her as I toe off my boots.

“In the kitchen,” she calls back, and I follow the sound of her voice, finding her sitting at her table with my one-month-old nephew, Travis. She’s nursing him while drinking something hot, tea probably.

“What’s this?” she asks as I set a bag on her counter.

“I don’t know. A bunch of stuff from Lis. I was volun-told to bring it over. She’s got a card in there explaining what everything is and what to do with it.”

Travis unlatches, peering over at me as soon as I start speaking. Gina adjusts herself and hands him to me before going to the bag to sort through it. My nephew gazes up at me in concern. He’s always very concerned.

“Hey, tiny man. You giving your momma grief?” I ask him, taking a seat at the dining table. “She needs her sleep, you know.”

“He doesn’t care,” Gina says. She puts a couple trays of food into her freezer, then pulls out a container of muffins. “Yes! I was hoping she’d make more of these. Can you ask her for the recipe for me?”

I grab my phone and pass it to my sister. “Send her a message.”

She does and sits across from me, taking a sip of her tea.

“You want to shower or nap or something?” I ask. “I’ve got a few hours.”

“Not right now. I’m tired, but I won’t be able to sleep. Too much on my mind.”

I nod. “Dad called you, too?”

Usually, our dad stays out of our lives like we stay out of his, ever since he walked out on Mom when I was only five. Gina was six and our oldest sister, Trish, was eight. He calls occasionally, only when he wants something. Yesterday, he’d called me for the first time in four years.

“Yesterday,” she confirms, then grimaces. “I feel bad not answering. Especially now with Travis here.”

“You don’t need the stress, Gina. You should block the number.”

She laughs. “I don’t need to. Walter did it for me. He said the same thing. ‘Stress is bad for the baby,’ he said. He asked if I wanted to talk to him and when I told him no, he took my phone and blocked the number.”

“Good. Walter’s a good guy.” Both of my sisters’ husbands are good guys, in fact.

---