Page 28 of Why Not Now?

“I noticed your car wasn’t here when I went to bed last night. Everything okay?”

“Yeah. I went out for a bit after work.”

Theresa has always been kind of nosy, but she and her parents helped me with babysitting Lacey when she was little. A sense of obligation has lingered ever since, like I can’t quite do enough to pay her back. I also feel bad for her. Right before my parents died, she and her husband were going through a terrible divorce. With my bedroom on the ground floor and a lot of the fights taking place in their backyard, I’d heard a lot of it.

“Oh. New boyfriend?” she asks.

I smile and don’t answer the question. “I’ve gotta get to work. I’ll see you later, Theresa.”

I drive away, feeling the distance between me and my house grow, thinking about Lacey’s parting shot—It’s not like you’re ever here anyway—and Theresa’s question—Getting ready for Christmas—feeling like an absolute failure.

Chapter 10

Derek

IwakewhenIreach to the other side of the bed and find it empty. Looking around the room, I see no evidence that she’d ever been here. No clothes, no sounds of her in the house, nothing. She’d even pulled the blankets up on her side of the bed. I go downstairs where the only proof that it wasn’t all a dream are my buttons scattered on the floor and my keys sitting below my mail slot.

I pick them up and put them on the table before I make my way to the shower, scrubbing the feeling of her off my skin. I doubt I can stay sane with the lingering floral scent of her plaguing me. Lavender? When I get out of the shower, I go to my top drawer to find some underwear and socks and my fingers brush a small box I haven’t thought about for a long time. I pull it out, but I don’t open it, turning it in my hands. I haven’t opened this box since the day I bought it. I put it back in my drawer.

While I get dressed in my usual jeans and t-shirt, my phone rings and I rush to it, wondering if it’s her, if she’s calling to tell me what the fuck last night was all about if she was going to sneak out before I woke up, anyway.

Instead, my heart turns to lead in my chest as I seeDaddisplayed across my phone’s screen. I set the phone face down on my bed and cover it with blankets as it continues to ring. I could hit ignore. Instead, I watch the spot where I’ve set it until it goes silent once again. He won’t leave a message. He never does.

I’m completely out of it when I make my way into work, grabbing a cup of coffee and sitting in the staff lounge. For the first time since we opened Blue Vista Events five and a half years ago, I’m here before anyone else. I’m still sitting there, my coffee long since gone cold, when Spencer comes in.

“You’re here early,” he says, going over to the coffeemaker to pour two cups, one for himself and one for Lis. She hadn’t come in with him, so I assume she’s taking her dog, Cerberus, for a longer walk before coming in.

I meet his eyes. “I think I’m fucked.”

“Obviously,” he says, stirring both coffees and sliding into the seat across from me. “What about?”

I push my cup away. I’m not drinking it, anyway. “I slept with Ava last night.”

“You don’t seem exactly happy about this.”

“She left before I woke up.”

He taps a finger against the side of his mug. “Maybe we should start at the beginning. You dated this woman. When?”

I look away as memories swamp me. “High school. Started the summer before grade twelve. We were each other’s firsts. First kiss. First fooling around. First fuck. Everything.”

“You didn’t have your first kiss until you were in grade twelve?” he asks, disbelief lacing his tone.

I roll my eyes. “We kissed before we dated. We met when we started high school. There was a party one night. We played spin the bottle. I thought about asking her out, but I wasn’t exactly the confident man I am today. You may not believe this, but I was a bit of a nerd in high school.”

Spencer snorts. “As opposed to now, when you’re definitely not a nerd.”

The corner of my mouth tilts up, but I can’t hold the smile. I shake my head. “By the time I felt like I could ask her, some asshole had beaten me to it. They broke up sometime during grade eleven and I went to her birthday party during summer holidays. I’d been doing track for a year by that point, had grown into my body a bit. Finally asked her out, and she said yes.”

“Then what happened?” he asks quietly.

I get up to dump my coffee and make a new one, giving myself a moment to pull up the wall that holds the emotions at bay. I keep my back to Spencer as I speak.

“We’d been dating about two and a half years. Ilovedher. Then her parents were in a car accident. Both died. She got custody of her young sister, Lacey. After that, things… changed between us. She’d always been the kind of person who had to do everything on her own, but it got worse. She pulled away. I tried to help her, but I didn’t know what to do. She wouldn’t tell me. One day, we had this huge fight. I can’t even remember what started it. I just remember how it ended.”

Spencer waits, understanding I need a minute before I can say the words out loud. I brace my hands on the counter.

“‘Just go, Derek. I don’t need you.’ That’s what she said.” I think about the small box in my drawer at home. I’d never gotten the chance to give it to her. I don’t mention it now, or what’s inside.

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