Page 38 of Dreams of Ash and Smoke

“Esmeray!” He demands but she waits and I have to push through the terrifying feeling wreaking havoc on my body to answer. I try pushing the fear back, almost as if I could remove it. Her eyes flicker with surprise, looking at me, and I notice her chest rise and fall just a little harder for a moment before she hardens her face.

“I understand.” It’s barely audible but she hears it regardless.

Then, as if it never happened, all the fear vanished. I take a deep breath, trying to regain my senses as she releases me, still staring as ifIwas the one doing that toher.

Eryx is there next to me, I hadn’t even noticed he had moved closer, his arms wrapping around me as my knees give out.

I had never felt anything like that but I know exactly what it was and what Esmeray Ashwood’s Dark Fae ability is. Fear. And it fit her. I can’t blame her for the threat. Her family is everything to her— just as it is to Ruelle and Eryx. I can tell and I’ve only been here a couple weeks. Eryx never told her about our deal, as he said he would. And regardless of that reason, she was caught off guard to a practical stranger in their war room, understandably so.

He helps me stand, checking over me and glaring at his sister as Esmeray looks at the board as if everything was normal. I nod to him that I’m fine, trying to continue our planning.

“I will tell you and you alone. Do not even tell Ruelle or Hadeon about this. I’m deadly serious.” He tells her before briefing his second-in-command on our revenge plot.

Esmeray doesn’t hate me, that much I know. I want to say she might even like me based on how she treats me during training and our meals together but I’ve never seen her so scary and now that I know that’s her gift? I will definitely not be getting on her bad side.

* * *

We had just finished up the meeting when Esmeray leaves and Eryx looks to me, “I wanted to let you know that we are having a party. Ruelle can help you get dressed. I wish she’d assign a lady’s maid to you but she refuses.” He rolls his eyes at his playfully and I smile at the act. “She deeply enjoys your company.”

“I enjoy her as well. I’ve never had friends until Hadeon. Tarius didn’t think it necessary and the one time I thought I had one, she was only friends with me to sleep with Dryston.” I laugh it off, remembering the sad thought. I was over it now but at the time, it made me swear off friends at all. “Andshe’s such a good person, a true light, it’s refreshing. She’s been a big help with my studies of your family and kingdom. I figured if I was going to live here, I should educate myself.” He gives me a small smile.

“That sounds like a sound plan. I will see you tonight, then.” He gives me a small bow before taking leave.

As I make my way to my room, I can’t help but think about Eryx. He had this terrible reputation but the only time I’ve seen him as scary would be on the dungeon floor and when he got angry at dinner. But, it didn’t seem to have a negative affect on me in any way.

There was surely something wrong with me if I wanted to see more of it, right?

As word does, it spread fast. Ruelle was already waiting for me in my room giggling. “Again?” I ask her, laughing, as she showcases dresses.

“Of course!” The exclamation was bright and cheery and I can’t help but be in a better mood.

Once again, I try on the new dresses for her as she does for me while we decide which gown looks best on who. It was fun, being with a girl like this.

My mother used to tell me about her best friend but never told me her name and would explain how much fun they’d have creating mischief and trouble.

I wanted that. I want this.

“Oh! Verena! This is the one. It is gorgeous. Violet is truly your color but seeing you in midnight blue is magical. It matches your hair and everything.” Her voice was in awe as she watches me emerge from behind the dressing wall.

I stare at myself in the full-body mirror I have. The dress is A-line with a triangular sweetheart neckline. It’s a dark midnight blue with mini golden stars made of glitter.

In a voice so small I almost miss it, Ruelle adds, “You look like our queen.” And for some reason, I know she doesn’t mean her mother. She meant a queen fit for this kingdom. Her eyes widen and looking up to meet mine, as if not meaning to stay it out loud but I just smile at myself, pretending I hadn’t heard her.

This is a lot of pressure. I know Eryx and I are supposed to be courting but this feels real. Too real.

The dress fits perfect and not in the way of measurements fitting correctly.

I stare at myself, running my hands down the front to smooth any lines and realize this feels good. As if a piece of the puzzle is finally within reach.

Khyrel feels like I was meant to be here all along and suddenly I’ve never felt more in danger in my entire life. Eryx does not want me as his queen, he wants revenge on Dryston for threatening his kingdom, his family. I can’t get too comfortable here. As soon as we’re done here, I’ll be off to start a life I’m not sure I want anymore.

It has to be this way. I need to start closing my heart off to him. He doesn’t deserve the traumatic afflictions I bring with me everywhere I go.

“I don’t think I’ll wear this one. Let’s try the black one instead.” I tell her, wanting to shove this dress far in the back of the closet I have.

But, as I meet her eyes in the mirror, I can see the disappointment in them and choose to ignore it.

Chapter 19: Ladies and Gentlefae… Her

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