“I’m Mara,” I say quickly, extending my hand in greeting. “Norriah’s daughter. Welcome to the Hill.”
He takes my hand, but instead of shaking it like I’d expected, he grips it firmly with cool, strong fingers, bows, and brushes a light kiss over my knuckles. “Captain Owen Hawke, at your service.”
My hand tingles as he releases it. I squeeze my fingers into a fist, shoving down the urge to sniff at them to see if Captain Hawke’s scent clings to my skin. As it is, it’s invading my lungs, sharpening my senses, and filling my head with impossible thoughts.
I study him just as closely as he’s studying me—and because he’s being a little rude, I allow myself the same, feasting my gazeon his handsome features. A short beard covers his strong jaw, the bristles a light brown instead of black like with most orcs. His hair might be damp, but it’s so pale and shiny. I’ve only seen that color on Poppy, Steagor’s mate—though her eyes are a different shade of blue than his. I’ve always been content to live in the underground palace, in the darkness and torchlight, but now, I wish I could look upon Captain Hawke’s face in the sun to see how his eyes compare to the clear summer sky.
I jerk to my senses, suddenly aware I’ve been gawking at him for far too long. And what madness is this, wanting to go outside to admire a man in the sunlight?
Shaking my head, I take a small step back to gain some distance, but Captain Hawke follows me, then stops again, his movements jerky as if he’s not in control of himself.
Just a little more…
Damn it, this isn’t good. I shouldn’t indulge this feeling, not when he’s so completely wrong for me, and I for him. Nothing good will come of this.
“My lady,” he blurts, his chest expanding on a deep inhale. He seems to be bracing himself for something. “Could you perhaps show me to the kitchens? It’s been a long day, and after dark, we didn’t dare stop or we’d risk the horses getting too chilled.”
“Oh!” I widen my eyes, shocked at my own rudeness. “Gods, of course. You must be half starved.”
My training kicks in, and I straighten my back, falling into the role of the hostess. It’s familiar and offers me a chance to speak and act without having to think too much—which is good because half my wits seem to have drained out of me in the warm bathwater earlier. The captain will think me a simpleton if I don’t stop staring at him, so I grasp the opportunity to be useful and motion for him to follow.
He falls into step beside me easily, his long legs matching my quick steps. He doesn’t stare at me as openly as before, instead following our path with a soldier’s alertness.
“Thank you for helping Lady Willow,” he says after a moment. “She did look better after her bath.”
I can’t help but wince at the memory of her shivering form. “The hot water does wonders for the body. You should try it sometime.” In another breath, I realize I just told the man that he should wash, so I stammer, “I-I didn’t mean to say that you smell. That is—your scent is very pleasant.”
He surprises me with a low laugh—and I stumble, losing my footing because I’m too busy gawking at his face and the way his skin crinkles around his eyes.He hasdimples. Little half-moons, mostly hidden under his short beard, but there nevertheless, taunting me to press my thumbs into them.
The captain catches my elbow, steadying me. “Careful, now.”
His voice is low, his grip strong but not painful, and I cannot move. My lips part, the need to touch him, to put my arms around him suddenly so strong, I can barely breathe.
This is my mate.
He’s the one man who’s destined to be mine, and I want him so badly, it’s taking everything in me to hold back. I’ve watched the orcs in my clan find their mates and wondered how they could give themselves over so completely to another person, even as I craved to do the same.
But now that Captain Hawke is here, staring at me, his hand still on my arm, I’m just afraid.
I saw my parents love each other deeply, even though they didn’t always see eye to eye. And I watched my mother suffer after my father fell in battle, becoming a shell of her former self before she faded away completely.
Now I understand. The tether between this man and me isn’t even complete, because he doesn’t know what’s going on, and yet I feel as if I’m being pulled toward him without permission.
And when he leaves, as he inevitably will, bound by his duty to the duke or whichever master he serves in the human lands, I’ll be left here, unmoored and weak, pining for his return.
I jerk my arm away and step back, breathing hard.
The captain’s face drains of color, and he presses himself against the wall, his chest rising and falling too quickly.
“My lady.” His voice comes out as barely more than a rasp. He shakes his head and tries again, “I’m—I didn’t mean to grab you. Please. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. I would never—that is?—”
I take pity on him because hewasjust trying to help, and it’s not his fault we’ve been struck with this misfortune.”It’s all right. Come now, we should find you something to eat, and then I’ll show you to your room.”
My training as a steward is a crutch that will help me get through this evening. I only need to hold it together for a while longer, get this man some food, and deliver him to his bed. Tomorrow, he’ll have plenty to do escorting his protégée around the Hill, I’m sure, or training with his soldiers. I won’t see him at all, and we’ll both be able to continue our lives as we always have. I’ll survive this awful affliction, and he’ll eventually return to his old life in the human lands, none the wiser.
The captain swallows, then nods, visibly pulling himself together. He’s still pale as we make our way down the corridor. A part of me wants to take the long way around to the great hall just so I could spend a moment longer in his presence, but I shake the thought and follow the shortest route, cutting through smaller passageways and linen closets that connect parallel hallways.
This is how it has to be.