Page 16 of His Orc Lady

He stops, eyebrows raised, and stares at me. “No?”

I don’t even know what I’m refusing, exactly, I just know that whatever he’s suggesting is a bad idea.

So I just shake my head in answer, because risking any more words would be dangerous. Especially because he’s acting as if he did somethingwrong—which is terrible, because his touch had felt so very right. It was the best touch I’ve ever experienced, even if it lasted mere seconds.

“My lady…” he starts again.

But I hold up a hand to stop him. “Mara. I asked you to call me Mara.”

He drags in a quick inhale. “Mara. I didn’t mean to do that.”

I let out a laugh, though it sounds too bitter and harsh. “No, I didn’t think you did. It’s all right. Orcs touch each other much more frequently than humans.”

Owen frowns now, and I wonder if he’s imagining who else might have touched me this way in the past. Not many have—I’m not a virgin, but orcs always know that any relationship outside a mate bond is only temporary.

But how many women hashetouched? I’m not sure I want to think about that either. I know I’ll have a hard time connecting with anyone else after he’s gone, but he might return to the human lands and find himself a pretty human wife and have a whole bunch of pink human children with her, ones who aren’t afraid to venture out in the sun with him.

I resent her fiercely, this imaginary woman who will get to claim this man as her own.

From how Owen is clenching his jaw, I suspect he doesn’t like this line of thinking any more than I do. But with how he reacted to a simple touch, how he pulled away just as I was about to reach out and finally, finally kiss my mate, I’m not feeling too charitable at the moment.

So I lift my chin and don’t tell him that he doesn’t have to worry about other men—or that they’ve already faded from my memory becausehehas taken up so much space in my head.

“Your men will be waiting,” I say, drawing myself up to my full height. “At the baths, I mean. You’ll need to follow the signposts.”

I indicate the wooden signs at the junction of the hallways. These are a new addition to the Hill, a result of Korr’s mate, Ivy, getting lost over and over in the maze of corridors and passages. Orcs don’t need them, and I certainly wasn’t looking at them when I’d barreled around the corner and slammed into Owen.

He’s staring at me as if he wants to say something, but I’m not ready for another apology or rejection. I give the captain a quick curtsy, then turn on my heels and walk away, forcing myself to keep my gaze straight ahead. If I glanced over my shoulder and found him looking at me, I might have turned back and tried to explain everything.

My sight blurs with tears as I blindly make my way toward my rooms. I’ve had enough of this day, even though it’s notyet dinnertime. I’ll hide in my bed and pretend I’m not there if anyone comes knocking.

I’ll have to avoid my friends for now. Perhaps for months, if Owen will stay here with Willow through the winter. If anyone saw us together, they’d know immediately what was going on. Dawn has hinted as much after the human soldiers’ first visit to the Hill, though I’ve shot down all her attempts to talk to me about it. Ozork knows too much already, but he’s not one for gossip, so I believe my secret is safe with him—even if he wouldn’t understand my reasoning.

But if I told Owen he’s my mate, if I explained to him that he’s my one chance at happiness—and especially the only way I’d ever have children of my own—the knowledge would become a burden. He’s an honorable man, and it would weigh heavily on him to know that I’d be hurting if he ever left me.

I couldn’t live with myself if I tied him to me with a false sense of responsibility instead of true affection. If he remained here because he pitied me, it would crush my soul over time, and we’d come to resent each other.

I would rather set him free and let him live a life outside this Hill than have him slowly rot away in here with me.

Chapter

Five

I wake up early the next morning with a growling stomach and bleary eyes. I’d cried myself to sleep, then dreamed all through the night, strange, convoluted dreams that had me tossing and turning in my bed, my sweaty nightgown sticking to me.

I should change my sheets and take them to the washroom, but I can’t bring myself to meet anyone just yet. Instead, I grab a dressing gown and a change of clothes, then tiptoe through the hallways toward the baths.

The pool I choose is on the smaller side, just enough for me to comfortably submerge myself if I crouch. I dip underwater and stay there for as long as my breath will allow it—it’s so cleansing to feel the hot water sluicing past me, to block out all the noise and the thoughts. I listen to my blood rushing in my ears, and as strange as it is, I breathe more easily once I resurface.

I take my time with my hair, oiling the roots and the ends, then washing it twice. The baths become busier as more and more orcs come for their morning wash, and I know I’ll have to leave soon or risk running into someone who will ask me how I’m doing—and then I’ll have to lie. Or explain the truth, which would be much worse.

Scrubbing all my hair back, I plunge under the surface again, holding my breath. Just a few more moments of peace. I deserve that much before I’ll have to rejoin the clan and take up my daily tasks, making sure the Hill is run efficiently and safely. I’ll only take a minute and?—

A hand grasps my shoulder, strong fingers digging into my skin. Then I’m hauled up—and I burst through the surface, splashing and coughing, my mouth filling with water from the shock of being dragged so rudely through the pool.

“Are you all right?” a male voice yells.

I try to bat his hand away, but he’s holding on to me tightly, pressing me against the edge. I splutter, my hair hanging in my face, water stinging my eyes, then manage to get my feet under me and stand.

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