Page 19 of Fall

“I’m happy for you, but I know there is more to this story. How far gone are you?” she asks me, guessing straight away there’s a reason I’m scared to have this baby.

Izzy has been asking questions every time I’ve seen her for the last two weeks, but I’ve just avoided them, wanting to try to figure out how to tell her. To be strong enough to. I’ve never thought of myself as a weak person, but the idea of telling anyone my most vulnerable moment terrifies me. The idea of sharing that part of myself is scary.

“I’m five months,” I tell her.

“Wow . . . you look good. I’m kind of jealous, and I’m sure Maisy will be, too. She is huge and she’s only four months.” She laughs, pulling my hands to her and holding them.

“Wait . . . maybe don’t tell her that. Not like huge in a bad way, just in a pregnant way, you know?” she says, and I laugh with a nod. “In fact, I’m just mumbling because I’m in shock, and this wasn’t what I expected you to say,” she finishes.

“What did you expect?” I ask.

“Erm . . . maybe something about you and Harley?” she asks, and I shake my head, not wanting to approach that subject. Thankfully, she asks another question after an awkward silence between us. “Does your family know?”

“No, I left before I could tell them. Part of me didn’t want to because I knew they would never let me leave,” I tell her.

“Why did you leave? I know your parents would have supported you, and your brothers would have too,” she says, and I know she is right. My family would have helped me, but I couldn’t risk them not believing me. I couldn’t risk them believing me, either, and having my dad, or brothers, attacking Daniel.

“The father. Well, he–” I go to say, and my voice cracks. Even now, I don’t know how to tell her. Even after preparing it in my head for so long.

“Were you with him long? Does he know?” she asks me.

“We were together seven months, and no, I never told him about the baby,” I tell her. I hope he never finds out.

“Are you planning on telling him?” she asks me gently.

“Trust me, if I had my way, he’d never find out, or go near me again,” I say, my words firm.

“You ran from him,” she says gently, and I nod, leaning back on the bench and looking up at the clouds. It’s a nice day, but it looks like there will be rain later.

“I met Daniel at a party in France and we instantly liked each other. He was hot, smart, and funny. What’s not to like, right?” I laugh a little. “So, we started dating, and he got close with my brothers. My whole family loved him like another child. Daniel is a little older than me, and Devon became best friends with him practically overnight because Devon looked up to Daniel, in a way. The next thing I knew, Devon had invited Daniel to move into our house, and somehow my parents were okay with this,” I say.

“That was how long into your relationship?” Izzy asks gently.

“About a month,” I say, and she nods, squeezing my hand, so I continue.

“At first, he was lovely and stayed in the spare room. Then after a week, he moved his stuff into my room, and I just let him. He has this way of sweet talking you into anything, I can’t explain it, but my family loved him. I guess I thought I did, too. Then everything changed.”

“How?” she asks.

“The first time was at a party. I was dancing with a few girls when a strange man got too close and tried to dance with me. I pushed him away straight away, but Daniel saw and went crazy. I had to listen to him shout at me the whole way home about how I wanted to cheat on him and a load of stuff I wouldn’t ever do. When I tried to get out of the car, after he parked outside our house, he grabbed my arm and wrapped his hand around my throat, telling me never to do that again. I had bruises and was terrified of him,” I admit. “Still, I let him take me into the house and sleep next to me in my bed like nothing happened. I lay there all night, just shaking, not saying a word.”

“Oh, Tilly,” Izzy says, squeezing my hand once more, but I continue speaking because I need to say this.

“The next morning, he said he was sorry and charmed my family into thinking some random guy gave me the bruises at a party,” I mutter, still annoyed with myself for not saying something. I should have then, but I didn’t.

“Why didn’t you just leave?” she asks me.

“I planned to, then things just got worse. After the party, he was only nice sometimes, sex became something he demanded, and I got to the point of just doing it to make him happy. We used protection every time, so the baby wasn’t planned,” I say, knowing how badly that plan went.

“Tell me if you want to, and if you don’t . . . well, I’m just glad you’re here,” she tells me.

“I booked my tickets here and planned everything for a month, and in that month, I found out I was pregnant, which only made me more confident I had to get away. I knew my family had a holiday planned for a week, so that’s the only time I could get away from them. I tried to distract Daniel that night by getting him to see his mum. Only, he came back as I was leaving with my suitcase,” I say, a tremor in my voice.

“What happened?” Izzy encourages me gently.

“Let’s just say I was lucky to escape, Iz. I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” I whisper, and she nods.

“If it helps, I believe you were right to run. A man like that would never be a good father. Not if he doesn’t respect the baby’s mother.”

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