Page 26 of My Brutal Alpha

I had every right, and I knew it, but ever since we hooked up again, I could feel those defensive walls I meticulously put up as they started to shake.

It was still something I couldn't fully grasp, given how sudden it was and how I never expected him to make a move like that again. It only raised more questions, leaving me to wonder about his motives and how he planned on handling things moving forward.

Given how deadset I had been on resisting him, I was angry with myself for giving in and allowing it to happen in the first place. I was supposed to be stronger than that. I was supposed to be able to stick to the plan and not let any of those repressed feelings return.

Still, regardless of how frustrating it was to know he still had that pull over me, I couldn't deny how fulfilling it had been. How that anger mingled with the mutual attraction, which neither of us could ignore, made it more thrilling.

However, there was an immediate consequence for giving in, and I could feel it pulsing in my chest even while he was busy at work.

Even if I couldn't resist that desire I had for him, I didn't anticipate that our mate bond would snap back into place so quickly. I assumed that, if anything, it would take time to heal and grow if we ever decided to nurture it again, not having it come back with an even greater intensity.

On one hand, it felt nice...like it was right. It brought a wave of benefits along with it, like a sense of calm whenever he was near and a boost of strength for both of us. It was something I had always wanted, which made me want to accept it.

However, if not handled well, that bond could backfire immediately. It would give us both a weakness all over again and if we decided to call it quits completely, then we'd have to go through that heartbreak all over again.

It hurt bad enough the first time, and no part of me wanted to experience that kind of suffering again. Yet, we both put ourselves in that position. Neither of us stopped ourselves from following through with it, and it seemed we only had two options moving forward.

Either we'd embrace it or break that bond all over again.

Just thinking about it made my stomach turn, and regardless of how I tried, I was struggling to navigate it.

But at the very least, I was glad to have Lydia and Callie as a distraction in the meantime.

Being around them didn't always distract me from Ezra and our situation, but it certainly helped to keep my thoughts from spiraling out of control.

While the little one played on the deck out back with her toys, Lydia and I sat on two lounge chairs in the sun, watching over her while she babbled to herself.

It was nice to have that chance to get away from the house and feel a bit more normal. Even if everything with Ezra was all over the board, and I was struggling to keep up, having my best friend around was the constant I could rely on.

It made me wonder how things would've gone if she had still been around when Ezra and I first hooked up. I imagined having that support would've made my healing period a bit more bearable.

But I couldn't complain about having her back or about the fact that she was in my life in a different way.

"How's everything going with this arrangement?" Lydia asked, sipping her mocktail with a knowing smile. "Any rocky water between the betrothed?"

It was still somewhat embarrassing to remember that we were pretending to be engaged—not just together, but set to be married.

Despite it not being real, it still brought strange implications with it, and given how we’d had sex, it only complicated things more.

Regardless, I didn't want to make a big deal. I didn't want Lydia to know yet either...not while I knew she'd tell Sebastian, and in turn, he'd likely lose his mind.

I let go of a sigh and leaned back in my seat. "Oh, he's as stubborn and opinionated as ever, but we're somehow making it work. As long as we keep our distance, we manage to not fight."

It was partially true, but in reality, we became closer than ever in a literal, physical sense.

Lydia chuckled at that, running a hand over the slight swell of her stomach. "I can just imagine...although, I'm surprised things aren't worse. He must be desperate to get his parents off his back."

Despite there being other reasons for his change of heart, apparently, she wasn't really wrong.

I nodded. "He is. Honestly, seeing how serious he was about it was what convinced me to help him. That and the fact that he never asks for help."

"No kidding. You'd think hell froze over."

I hummed my amusement, letting myself sit in that thought for a moment.

A moment of quiet passed between us before Lydia glanced over at me. "If everything is fine with Ezra, then why do you seem so unsure?"

Realizing I wasn't exactly being the most careful about my outward emotions, I made the immediate conscious effort to reign it back in. I shrugged, immediately reaching for some sort of excuse. "I don't know...I guess there's been another situation keeping me preoccupied."

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