Page 40 of Under Their Protection

“So you are in a relationship with both of them?” he asks.

“Yes.”

“How do you know Max?” he asks me.

“I met him through a friend at Emma’s club a few years ago.”

“Ah. While you were with Isaac?” he asks.

“I didn’t cheat on Isaac, if that’s whatyou are getting at,” I frown.

“Then what did you do with Max?” he asks simply.

“We did practice BDSM scenes together but there was never a sexual element to it,” I explain.

“What element did it have if it wasn’t sexual?”

“Stress management mostly. It was a way to give my brain a break for a while,” I explain.

“What were you trying to escape from?” he asks.

“Isaac mostly. My parents. Harper. Myself,” I say.

“Why Isaac?”

“Because he was toxic and mentally abusive. They all were. Between him and my family, I was called everything from worthless to fat. Those scenes with Max allowed me to escape those thoughts and helped me manage my anger,” I explain.

“How did it help you control your anger?”

“Well, Max and I talked a lot about my anger and although he didn’t know the specifics, he understood I needed to find a place to get rid of that anger. Those scenes just help level my head. Some people scream into a pillow. Some people go jogging. I go to The Cherry,” I say simply.

“What did you practice with Max?”

“Impact mostly,” I say and he nods.

“Did you have any other tendencies towards self-harm?” he asks. I narrow my eyes at him, not liking that he called it that. “Self-harm comes in many forms, Anika. It could be smoking a cigarette or cutting, but it’s still harmful. BDSM has an element of controlledpain. Although it is safe when practiced correctly, it is still harmful in a literal sense.”

“No. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I don’t cut,” I say simply.

“Have you ever been suicidal?”

“Kinda, but not in a way that I wanted to actively go and do it. It was more so that I wanted away from them. When I started working, I finally had something to focus my energy on.”

“Do you have nightmares?” he asks.

“No,” I say simply.

“Yes, she does,” Rowan says. I look at him in confusion. “Night terrors technically. That’s why you don’t remember them.”

“Tell me about them,” Theo says to Rowan.

“She started living with me last week. Every night since she’s been there, she’s woken up crying and screaming. She will say things like she’s begging someone to stop doing something, but she’s never said anything specific. The first night she was at the house, I called her best friend and Mia said to just make sure she stays in the room and when she calms down just lead her back to bed. Mia said she would wake up the next day like nothing happened. She warned me to not wake her while this was happening, or it would scare the hell out of her. So, when she wakes, I just sit with her until she relaxes. Then I get her back into bed and I go back to sleep.”

“Why didn’t you guys tell me?” I ask.

“Mia said it was going to be easier on you if you didn’t know and that it only happened when you were stressed or worried,” Rowan says.

“I do agree with that short-term,” Theo says. “Do you know what he is talking about with what you were saying?”

---