Page 37 of Under Their Watch

“I need to tell you and Jace something,” I say quietly.

“Go ahead,” he says.

“Dad texted me,” I say, picking up my phone to show them the message. “I considered meeting him and it made me feel confused and guilty. It’s not that I wanted him, I just miss the praise I used to get from him.”

“Baby girl, if you want to be fucked like a back-alley whore and then pampered like a princess, I will happily oblige,” Quinn says.

“We will gladly take you like a worthless piece of fuck meat, but then remind you after that you are the most amazing women we have ever met,” Jace adds. “Gaining pleasure from degradation doesn’t mean you have to believe the things that are said to you.”

“Right,” Quinn says. “I can and will call you my worthless little whore while I fuck you, but you know I don’t mean it.”

“If you call me a worthless whore while wrecking me, I might come,” I say, and he laughs. “Is it… wrong… to want to recreate things that have happened to me?” I ask Theo.

“Who specifically?” Theo asks.

“Any of you guys,” I say. “Although, I’m not very sure that Max and Rowan are real interested in me.”

“I’ll come back to that,” Theo says. “It’s not wrong to want consensual intimacy of any form. There is no wrong way to heal. If you want to heal through consensual nonconsent and the other party is also consenting, then do it.”

“What is that?” I ask.

“CNC is basically a forced sex kink. It can be as extreme as acting out a rape, but having a safe word to still end things,” he explains. “It requires a massive amount of trust in each other.”

“So basically, I’m the fighting fuck meat with a safe word?” I ask.

“Yeah,” he chuckles. “Something like that.”

“Interesting,” I say.

“Kink is not bad as long as it is consensual. Healing is not wrong, as long as it is consensual,” he says. “Do not ever let anyone tell you differently.”

“Thank you for feeding me,” I say kindly.

“You’re welcome, Rhea,” he smiles. “What can we do to get you to eat more?”

“I don’t know. I think I don’t eat when I’m stressed out or overwhelmed. Maybe just force me to talk about my feelings and I’ll eat,” I say.

“Why didn’t you eat yesterday?” Quinn asks.

“Uhm,” I laugh.

“Go on,” Theo encourages.

“I felt bad that I wanted to have sex with you,” I tell Theo. “It feels like cheating in a way.”

“It’s not cheating,” Quinn says. “If we ever have a problem, we will tell you. Okay?”

“Okay,” I smile.

“Back to Max and Rowan,” Theo says. “They adore you, but they’re afraid of overwhelming you. Anika has talked to them a few times about it. I think the issues are coming from the fact that they are only ever with her.”

“Not Mia?” I ask.

“No, just Anika. She only recently expressed that she was okay sharing them with you, so I think it’s maybe guilt that they do want you, but don’t want to upset Anika.”

“Anika wouldn’t encourage it if she wasn’t okay with it,” I say.

“Exactly,” he says. “My advice is to pick at them relentlessly until they break. Talk to Anika because she will be able to give some insight on how to get at Rowan. He is…”

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