Page 1 of Almost

PROLOGUE

SEBASTIAN IS SMILING and on one knee in front of all our friends and family. I haven’t heard a single word coming out of his mouth as I stare at him in shock. The ring in the box is quite literally a rock. I don’t even want to know how much he spent on the diamond, but it’s probably due to the raise he received with his contract extension. That’s what tonight was supposed to be about—not a fucking proposal.

The rapid sound of my heart beating echoes through my head. There are so many things that I’ve been waiting to tell Bash until the contract negotiations were over because it wasn’t the right time. I wanted to talk with him tonight after we went home about the phone call I received a few days ago with a once-in-a-lifetime job offer. I was going to tell Sebastian that I wanted to take it. It’s not the most lucrative paying job, but again, it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to spend six months in Africa helping to raise awareness for a nonprofit.

It’s perfect for me.

I should have told him the second I got off the phone call. I might have been able to avoid this whole fiasco tonight if I had.

I’m only twenty-three, graduating from college a month ago. I still need to figure out who I am as a human being, and I want to continue building my career. I’m not ready to put all that aside for marriage.

I can feel everyone staring at me, and Sebastian is continuing to talk while staring at me so hopefully.

I can’t think straight. I don’t know how to make words come out of my mouth, but what exactly can I say that would make this better? I don’t want to say yes, but I don’t want to say no either.

The only right decision right now is to say nothing.

The look on Sebastian’s handsome face changes from joyful to confusion; it looks like he says my name, but my brain isn’t functioning. I look back at the ring in his hands, and I can’t breathe.

What do I do?

Bash rises to his feet, taking my hands in his, feeling how badly mine are shaking. He says my name, but the walls feel like they’re closing in. I just need to get out of here. I step away from him with little resistance, avoiding the stares of everyone else to make a break for the doors.

I press a hand to my chest, hoping to slow the pounding of my heart. What was Sebastian thinking? We’re still kids. We can’t get married yet. He should have talked to me first before proposing in front of everyone we know.

Sebastian walks out the doors next, his large frame tense from my lack of response. “Thalia, what just happened?”

“Why would you do that?” I ask, finally managing to get words to come out of my mouth. I don’t understand why he would do that?

“Why did I ask you to marry me?” The gravity of the situation dawns on me as Sebastian looks utterly appalled by my question. “Because I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Isn’t that reason enough?”

I shake my head, trying to gather my thoughts. It makes sense, but it doesn’t. He should not have done this in front of everyone. “I don’t know, Bash! Why do we have to change the way things are when everything is going so great? Can’t we just be us?”

“If they’re going so great then why do you look horrified I got down on one knee and asked you to marry me?” Bash asks, an edge to his voice. I can’t fault him for being upset. I froze in there because I didn’t know what to say. How can I make him understand why I couldn’t say anything?

“It’s not that simple,” I try to say, the pressure growing again in my chest. “There are things we need to talk about. I like where we are now. We have all the time in the world for things like marriage. There’s no reason to rush this.” We haven’t even discussed it together. I need Sebastian to understand that just because I didn’t give him an answer, it doesn’t mean I don’t want to marry him eventually.

Sebastian steps back from me, but it already feels like we’re miles away from each other. I don’t know how we got here. Everything was fine this morning.

“And what if I’m ready now? We’ve been together for two and a half years. We live together, and we have a dog! What difference does a ring make?”

I clasp my hands behind my neck, blinking back the tears I can feel ready to fall. “It changes everything,Sebastian. I’m not ready for this. I—I want to be with you, but this is a lot. Please,” I plead because I don’t want to lose him. He’s the best man I know, and I love him with all of me. The scary thought is that I think I already have by not saying yes. “We didn’t ta—”

“I want everything with you, Lia. I just never considered you didn’t feel the same.” The pain in his voice stabs straight through me like a dagger to the heart. I don’t want to hurt Sebastian. I want to be with him, but I need to feel like I still have an identity.

“I do! Just not now!” I’m in agony, breaking both of our hearts because I can’t just say yes.

Sebastian runs an agitated hand through his dark hair, causing strands to fall into his face. I resist the urge to fix it like I have so many times in the past. “I need some time to think,” he says, pulling his keys out of his pocket.

No, he can’t leave. This can’t be how tonight ends.

“Bash, please. We need to talk about this.” I lurch forward to grab a hold of his hand.

“What exactly is there to talk about? That I want to marry you and you don’t? I mean for fuck’s sake, Thalia. What the hell do you want from me?” He has tears in his eyes as he stares at me in disbelief.

“I want you,” I whisper quietly, trying to hold on for dear life because if he leaves, I don’t know how we’ll move past this.

Bash removes my hand from his wrist, pulling his arm out of my grip. “Not the same way I want you.”

---