He scrubbed his hand over his face, but barely got past his eyes before his mother gasped, taking hold of his hand and pulling it towards her to get a better look. “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, it’s true! You got married!”

“Mom, it’s not—”

She squealed and threw her arms around him, jumping up and down while he stood frozen to the spot. “I can’t believe it! Helen White said you’d done it, but I didn’t believe it. Oh, honey, I’m so damn happy for you. And with Sabrina! Who would have thought?” she laughed. She released him and jogged down the front step, pulling Sabrina into a hug, swaying with her in her arms in the middle of the driveway.

Sabrina’s aunt held out her arms to him and, despite his better judgment, he let her fold him into a hug of her own.

“Hi, Mrs. Page.”

“Knock that off. It’s Aunt Lucy.” She squeezed him tighter. “Shouldn’t you two be on your honeymoon?”

Then the two women switched and he was back in his mother’s embrace as Aunt Lucy gripped Sabrina’s arms, her eyes welling with tears. “You gotmarried! Oh, dear heart, Icouldn’t believe it when your mother called!”

“Mom knows?” Sabrina’s voice wobbled and she looked like she was ready to faint but her aunt didn’t seem to notice.

“Of course, she does. She’s none too happy she found out about it from your sister, but she’ll come around.” Her aunt pulled back, holding Sabrina by the arms. “Let me get a look at you, all grown up and married to such a handsome young man,” she said, shooting a grin at Sebastian.

“It’s complicated.” Baz stuffed his hands in his pockets to keep himself from reaching for Sabrina.

“Well, of course, it’scomplicated,” his mother laughed. “You almost married her sister! I imagine it’s plenty complicated, but that doesn’t make it any less wonderful.” She squeezed his arm before pulling away from him and holding open the front door, urging everyone inside. “I’ve got a bottle of champagne somewhere, I’m sure of it, just waiting for a special occasion.”

“Don’t open the champagne, Mom,” he groaned as they all filed into the kitchen.

“It’s not every day my only child gets married! If I want to open the champagne, I’m going to open the damn champagne.” Her top half disappeared inside the fridge for a moment, before she reappeared, bottle of champagne in hand and a triumphant grin on her face.

Baz sighed and took a seat at the kitchen table beside Sabrina as his mother twisted the cap off the cheap champagne and poured them each a glass.

“Helen White and I arranged for your things to be moved into your husband’s condo. Now you two can get right into the business of married life, no need to delay for silly details,” Aunt Lucy said as she handed Sabrina a glass of champagne.

“You really shouldn’t have done that, Auntie.” Sabrina leaned back in her chair, massaging a spot low on her stomach with the heel of her hand.

“It was no trouble at all. Gavin West—he’s a professor overat the university, and good friends with your young man here, you see—was happy to loan us his spare key. And Helen really can be quite convincing when she wants to be.” Aunt Lucy laughed as she set a glass of champagne in front of Baz. “Thank heavens for us all she only uses her powers for good, isn’t that right, Charlotte? We moved you all in but stopped short of putting your things away. I told Helen I didn’t think Sebastian would appreciate us rummaging about in his drawers, even if it was for a good cause.”

Thank God for small miracles.

“Oh! And I told Norm—he’s the head of the Merchants’ Association, you know—to leave your permits with me. I’ve got them right here.” Aunt Lucy dug in her purse on the kitchen counter as she kept talking, Baz’s mother looking at him and Sabrina with such affection he thought he might be sick. “Helen thought Sebastian might use a PO box for his mail and I didn’t want them to get lost in some silly mix-up because I didn’t know the right address. Speaking of which, I really must get your new address so I can update my book.”

“Permits?” Sabrina asked, digging her hand harder into her abdomen.

“Are you alright?” he asked, his eye glued to the spot.

She gave him a tight nod, but he couldn’t help the feeling that she was lying. Something was wrong—something other than their family members popping champagne to celebrate their drunken mistake.

“Your business permits. You see, once Ruthie Greene and I told Norm how you’d selflessly volunteered to go to the conference on the Association’s behalf, he softened a bit towards your application. But then Helen told him that you and Sebastian had gotten married, so he had no doubt that you’d be staying in town long term.” Aunt Lucy handed an envelope to Sabrina and took up a position leaning against the counter next to his mother. “And then Helen pointed out thatwe already have a lingerie shop and a boudoir photography studio in town—oh, and that adult store that I keep meaning to stop by—” Baz shuddered “—well, once she’d said all that, he could hardly deny your application simply because you teach people to make clay genitalia.”

Baz’s eyes snapped to the older woman. “Excuse me?”

“Auntie,” Sabrina groaned.

“What? That’s what they are, dear heart. A clay penis is still a penis.”

Baz surveyed his mother, who didn’t seem the least bit phased by this insane conversation.

“Oh, don’t look so surprised, darling,” his mother said, clucking her tongue. “There’s no need to hide it from me. Lucy and I have been getting to know each other all morning waiting for you two to return. I know all about my daughter-in-law’s business.”

More than I do, apparently.

“I believe the only stipulation is that you don’t display the penises in the store window,” Aunt Lucy concluded.