Page 19 of Dirty Girl

This has got to be some kind of mistake. I must have spoken out loud without realizing it because there is another cackling laugh.

“No mistake, honey. You’re not the first and probably won’t be the last, but Jenson and I are ready to settle down now.” Her hands fall to her stomach and that’s when I notice the soft roundness of her lower belly.

The room starts to spin and my vision gets hazy. Jenson, my Jenson, has a pregnant fiancée. It takes every ounce of my will to keep my hands from cupping my own stomach, knowing that there is a good chance I’m carrying Jenson’s baby, too.

Oh, God.

Without a word, I hastily grab my suitcase and run from the room. I take in the penthouse and realize in my distraction earlier, I missed that everything of mine is gone. I didn’t bring much, a few pictures of my parents and a couple trinkets—they are all gone, presumably packed in my suitcase along with everything else. I burst through the door and I’m halfway down the stairs when I hear the door slam shut and the locks engage.

I drive to the Johns’ house, praying that Jackie is home. When I arrive and pull into my spot in the large garage, I see that her car isn’t here. I sit frozen in my car wondering what the hell I’m going to do now. There’s no doubt that Jackie’s parents will let me move back in until I can figure out my next move. Hell, they’re rarely home. Now that both of their kids are grown, they’re enjoying a retirement filled with travel and adventure.

If I stay here, Jenson will be a fixture in my life, though. How will I ever be able to face him? My hand falls to my stomach and I realize that unless I leave, I’ll be seeing a whole lot of him… and her for the rest of my life. Decision made, I head into the house to pack up some more of my things.

After I throw the few things I want to take with me into a duffle bag, I head to Jackie’s room. I sit down at her desk and write her a quick letter. I apologize for leaving without a goodbye and give a very brief rundown of what happened. I explain that I can’t stay, especially since she’s going to be away at school and I’d be left here alone. Hopefully, she will understand that it would be intolerable to stay and watch Jenson with his fiancée. I close the letter with a promise to call her once I get settled.

With that done, I look up at the bulletin board that hangs above her desk. It’s covered with pictures of us. Our parents always said we were thick as thieves and it’s the truth. No matter our differences, it’s always been the two of us. She forged a powerful bond the day she stood up for me against her friends when they tried to bully me. She’s my best friend and the sister of my heart.

My heart breaks when my eyes land on the newest image. It’s from two weeks ago. My smile is ridiculously huge, happiness shining around me like a halo. The reason for that smile is right beside me, his arms wrapped around my waist holding me close. On my other side is Jackie—her arm is thrown over my shoulder, but her hand is behind Jenson’s head giving him bunny ears.

I pull the picture from the board and slip it between the pages of one of the books I’m bringing with me. It’s a first edition copy of Alice in Wonderland. My dad gave me that book on my sixteenth birthday. Most sixteen year olds want a new car for their birthday, but this was perfect for me. Of course, I got a car, too, but the book was the best gift ever. I hug the book to my chest before putting it back in my bag.

My eyes burn with the first prickling of tears, but I refuse to let them fall. I can’t breakdown now. There will be plenty of time for that later. Duffle in hand, I leave the house. Without a backward glance, I drive away from the place that’s been my refuge for nearly a year.

I have no idea where I’m going, but I can figure that out as I go. I’ve got a couple of stops before I can leave town. The first is to the bank, where I withdraw a scary large sum of cash. Jackie’s parents have connections in high places. I don’t want to risk using my debit card or credit card because they can be traced. I know how Jackie is when she wants something and she won’t give up until she finds me.

My next stop is to my parent’s lawyer’s office. He explains what I’ll need to do once I settle into a new place so that my trust deposits can be transferred from my current accounts. He also assures me that everything will remain confidential and that no matter what the Johns family tries, my location will remain anonymous. I thank him for his loyalty and he offers his assistance for whatever I need, no matter where I end up.

Back in my car, I drive. And drive some more. As my tires eat up the miles, I go back over everything that happened today. Confessing my love for Jenson to Jackie, realizing that I’m most likely pregnant, finding out that Jenson was using me as some kind of fucked up side piece, and making the decision to leave. Grief is a heavy weight on my shoulders and even though I’ve been on the road for five hours, I’m not ready to stop.

I make it two more hours before exhaustion kicks in and I have no choice but to stop and sleep. The last time I had to fill up my gas tank, I walked past the little section of personal health items inside the convenience store—the single pregnancy test on the shelf might as well have been showcased with bright blinking neon lights. I snatched it off the shelf along with the lone box of tissues, beef jerky, and three bags of gummy bears completed my purchase.

After I check into a cheap motel, I collapse on the bed fully dressed and fall into an exhausted slumber. A knock on the door wakes me and I have a moment of panic that somehow Jackie went all super-spy and found me already. It turns out to be housekeeping and I’d missed my one o’clock check out time. The lady must feel sorry for me because she offers to do the other rooms first so that I can shower and change.

I start pulling clothes out of my bag and the pregnancy test falls to the floor. With a shaky hand, I pick it up and contemplate if I am ready to know or not. I chastise myself for being scared of the results. Regardless of if I take it right now or tomorrow or the next day, the outcome will be the same. Waiting will only give me more time to freak out.

So, I pee on a stick.

And wait…

And wait…

Slowly a faint pink plus sign appears in the window—pregnant. I’m pregnant with Jenson’s baby.

The panic I thought I would feel doesn’t come. I look down at my still flat stomach and gently rest my hands over the place where my baby rests. Our baby. A baby that was made in love, even if that love was one-sided. A baby that I know without a shadow of a doubt I want.

Within thirty minutes I’m back on the road and heading into my future.

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