Page 28 of Deadly Don's Savage Vows

Lina is silent for a moment then she asks, “Have you spoken to him about this - telling how you feel and asking him how he feels?”

“Sort of. Not officially. I tried to last night, but we ended up arguing. I got emotional.”

“Babe, you’ve been through so much pain in your last relationship I’m not surprised you would get nervous or emotional to start a new one. It’s going to be scary - no matter how good it is you will focus on the bad because your brain is telling you relationships aren’t safe.”

I sigh because what she’s saying makes sense. After Marcus how can I not be scared to let someone close to me.

“So, what am I supposed to do?”

She laughs. “We both know you are an amazing mom, and you’ve been working super hard, so - honestly you need to let go. Trust a little. Have some faith. You are allowed to fall in love. It doesn’t mean you’re being selfish. You deserve to have someone special in your life.”

“But what if it all goes wrong, and I get hurt?”

“Not everyone is like Marcus, Bella. You left that life behind you. You gave up a lot to escape it. Now give yourself a chance to start your new life.”

I grin, wiping a single tear away from my face. I miss her so badly. “When did you get so smart?” I laugh into the phone.

“Well, you were always the brains, and you left - so I had to adapt.” She giggles. “Talk to this guy, Bella. Take a chance and tell him how you really feel. Then you can stop worrying. Either way - whether he is interested or not - at least you’ll know.”

“You’re right. Thank you.”

We chat for a little while longer. Her voice is like home to me. I wish she could meet my baby boy. She’s actually his aunt, and she doesn’t even know it.

The ache in my heart about that lie is still a difficult thing to deal with.

Finally, we say goodbye because she needs to head out for the day and Dante is getting fidgety again.

After the phone call I feel a hundred times better. Sometimes all you need is someone to reflect your worry back at you and filter through what’s real and what’s fear.

I do have a lot of fear about letting myself be loved - or fall in love.

I’ve never known what a proper relationship is like. All I’ve ever known is Marcus, and he was a demon of a man. A cruel, nasty, monster of a human being.

When Dante’s tummy is full of breakfast, he is looking a lot happier. I pack up his pram and strap him safely into it so that we can head downstairs and take a nice long walk outside. Fresh air will be good for both of us.

The weather is a little overcast but fresh and lovely.

We walk a long way down the main street, enjoying the energy and the people. On the way back I stop at the coffee shop near my house to get a takeaway cappuccino. When we get home, Dante will sleep, and I can relax.

This walk has cleared my head a lot. The talk with Lina was probably responsible for most of my clarity - but now, as I head home I’ve decided.

Tomorrow, I am going to talk to Nico.

I’m going to be very clear and open about how I feel - and if it feels right - I will tell him about his son.

Whatever happens after that - I have no control of it and I will accept it for what it is.

“How many sugars?” the young barista asks me.

“One please.” I answer, and lean against the counter, looking out of the window.

The street is busy today, New York is always busy though, so it’s no surprise.

The moment my eyes catch sight of him I freeze.

Completely unable to move.

Marcus.

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