Quietly I walk out of the room and into my kitchen to make a cup of tea. While the kettle boils, I think about Nico - and I worry about Dante.
They are family.
And no matter how angry I am at Nico right now - and no matter how much he hurt me - I don’t have the right to keep him from his own child.
It sucks that my son’s father is a huge jerk.
Why did I have to fall in love with a complete asshole of a man?
The kettle switch flips, and I sigh, picking it up and pouring a stream of boiled water into my mug.
I watch the tea bag swirl and dance around, bleeding amber colors into the water.
I should tell Nico.
No.
I’m too emotional to make decisions right now.
The best thing to do when you are overwhelmed is to sleep on it.
In the morning I will be fresh and clear minded, and I can decide what to do.
Right now I will climb into bed, sip my tea, relax my thoughts and go to sleep.
When I’m ready, settled and calm I turn my bedside light off and roll over into the warmth of my pillow, pulling the blankets up over my shoulders and snuggling down.
Closing my eyes his face fills my mind.
In the darkness and stillness of the night it’s hard to push away what your heart wants. There is nothing to distract me.
There were so many times since we reconnected in New York when I was sure he hinted that our relationship was more than physical.
The things he says to me - the way he acts around me and even the way he looks at me - it is more than physical.
But clearly I read too much into it. I was wrong.
I was too hopeful, and I saw what I wanted to see not what was really going on.
I sigh and toss over to my other side.
Chapter 10
Nico
Each choice we make has consequences and all I’m trying to do is make the right choice for the best outcome for Bella. To keep her safe.
At least that’s what I’m telling myself. I have to believe it though.
But I seem to make a choice and act differently.
I consciously choose to push her away in order to keep her safe - but every time I’m around her I can’t physically stay away from her.
I contradict myself and it’s causing a lot of problems between us.
And now - after last night - she thinks I am messing around with other women. I hate the fact that she assumes I am a womanizer or that I am playing around and mistreating her.
It’s how the media has always liked to portray me in the past - but it’s not who I am.