Page 43 of Pucking Only

Some of the things my dad does with his job are so intense, but digging up old maps would not be at the top of my list of interesting activities. After I got out of high school, my dad up and moved to Alaska to pursue his dream of being a wilderness trail guide. We talk all the time. He regales me with stories of coming across bears and wolves, and all sorts of other wildlife. As much as I miss him, I’m so glad that he’s doing something that he loves. He is living his best life.

“What’s new with you, Sky?” Dad asks, pulling me out of my meandering thoughts.

“Oh, well, not too much,” I say. “I’m still in Denver, working on my game. I’m here for a little longer still.”

Wow, it hasn’t really hit me until now that I don’t havethatmuch time left. That time since I got here seems so long ago, and yet it’s really not in the world of game development. A sense of pride blossoms within me when I think about how much work I’ve gotten done. Then I also feel a strange twisting in my gut at the realization that I’ll be back in California before the blink of an eye.

“How’s Grace? Have you two been able to spend much time together?”

The corners of my lips twitch up into a small grin. “Grace is great, and yes, we’ve been able to spend lots of time together.”

I don’t mention Carson, because that’s a minefield I’m just not prepared to navigate with my dad right now.

“Is something wrong, sweetie?” Dad suddenly asks, as if he can read my freaking mind.

“Um…why would you ask that?” I flinch when my voice squeaks a bit.

Dad chuckles softly. “Well, it’s not often that you call me out of the blue like this. Don’t get me wrong, Sky, I’m always happy to hear from you, but a father just knows when something is bothering his daughter.”

Releasing a long sigh, I confess, “Okay…if I’m being honest, I just got an email from Samuel that really pissed me off and…I guess I just needed to hear your voice.”

Dad lets out a puff of air and growls, “That Samuel is a menace. He’s just jealous of how talented you are, you know that right?”

I lean back in my chair and grumble, “I don’t know. It’s just been really hard lately. This game is my chance to prove just how good I really am, but I feel like I’m constantly dealing with one obstacle after another that I shouldn’t be facing on top of everything else.”

The words just kind of pour from me and I realize just how much I’ve been holding back my frustration with work, Samuel, and Mr. Ferguson. I knew breaking into this industry would be hard, but it shouldn’t be this hard. I hate it that deep down I know that if I were a guy, things would be much different.

“Sweetie, I know how much this job means to you,” Dadbegins in a gentle tone. “You are so smart and talented and you will be so successful. Don’t let those short-sighted fools get you down.”

“Thanks, Dad,” I reply, grateful for his encouragement. A part of me doesn’t think he fully understands what I’m actually dealing with. These short-sighted fools are currently standing between me and my dreams. What really sucks is that I know there are plenty of people like them throughout this industry. In all reality, I’m likely going to have to deal with some level of this bullshit for the majority of my career. I don’t think Dad really understands that. He thinks I’m capable of anything and no obstacle is too great for me to overcome.

It’s too difficult to try and explain the systemic issues that are piled up against me, so I don’t bother trying. I know I have his support and his confidence, and that’s really all I can ask from him.

Deciding to change the subject, I ask, “How is everything going up there, Dad? Fight any bears lately?”

Chuckling, Dad replies, “Thankfully, no, I haven’t. If I’m honest, I’d rather face down a bear than some of these uppity tourists I have to deal with. Some people come up here expecting a winter wonderland and then are shocked when it’s actually hard work to hike these trails. Of course, then you have the people who think they know more than your old man, and are always in for a rude awakening when they get overwhelmed or think they’re lost and I have to rescue their pretentious butts.”

I chuckle and warmth spreads through my chest. God, I miss my dad. I’m so happy that he’s following his dream. Still, it sucks that we don’t get to see each other all that often. Even though we are always texting and calling when we can, it’s not the same. It’s not the same at all.

We chat for a little while longer before I reluctantly say, “Ishould get back to work, Dad. I just needed to hear your voice. Thanks for always being there.”

“Of course, sweetheart,” he replies. “I’ll see you at the Monroe’s anniversary party.”

I freeze, the mention of the party a stark reminder that no matter where I turn, I can’t escape Carson. He’s too entwined into my life.

At length, I manage to reply in a relatively cheerful voice, “I’m excited to see you, Dad. Have a good day.”

“Goodbye, sweetheart.”

We end the call. I set my phone down on my desk and lean back in my chair. What a mess. It’d be one thing if I just had to worry about the Carson situation, but now I’m also frustrated and stressed over work. I want this day to be over and technically, it has only just begun. Standing, I decide to just go to bed. Yes, it’s daytime, but I need sleep, especially after such a confusing, frustrating night.

Getting up, I turn off the apartment’s lights and make my way back to the bedroom. I change into a t-shirt and sleep shorts and crawl into bed, dragging the blankets up over my head. Squeezing my eyes shut, I will myself to sleep so I don’t have to think about Carson, Samuel, or my job anymore.

What’s going on? Why is it so dark?

Oh, right. My eyes are closed. I went to bed and fell asleep. Am I still sleeping?

Popping open my eyes, I look around and am momentarily confused when I see that I’m standing in Grace’s childhood bedroom. That’s…odd. I quickly make my way out the door. Walking down the hallway, I listen carefully for any sign of Grace or her mom coming back to find me. I need to get to the backyard before they do. I need to find Carson and tell him how I feel.

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