Page 63 of Pucking Only

The conversation moves on, but I’m barely listening. My mind is racing, trying to figure out what’s going on with Carson. I can’t stop wondering why he’s acting so strange when it’s supposed to be a fun night.

At the end of the meal, I push the last bite of my dessert around the plate. My appetite is completely gone. Grace is talking about something funny that happened with one of her clients, and I force myself to laugh, but it feels hollow. I sneak a glance at Carson, who’s still sitting quietly across from me, his jaw tight, with his eyes fixed on the glass in front of him.

What the hell is going on with him? Just a few days ago, we were… whatever we were. Now it feels like he can barely tolerate my presence, and I don’t know why. Is he pulling away because I’m leaving? Or is it something else entirely?

“Skyler?” Grace’s voice pulls me out of my thoughts, and I realize she’s been trying to get my attention.

“Sorry, what?”

“I asked if you’re okay,” she says, giving me a curious look. “You’ve been pretty quiet tonight, too.”

“Oh, yeah. Just a lot on my mind,” I say, forcing a smile before I realize that’s exactly what Carson said earlier when she asked pretty much the same thing of him. I can tell Grace doesn’t buy it, but she doesn’t push. Instead, she gives me a knowing look, one that tells me she’s aware of more than I’d like to admit.

The bill comes, and Jensen insists on paying, despite Grace’s protests. Carson’s still quiet as we all stand up and make our way to the door. I feel a pang of disappointment as we step outside into the cool night air. This isn’t how I wanted to end my last night here. I wanted to make memories, laugh,and enjoy the time we had left. Instead, I’m leaving with more questions than answers

I tuck my hands into the pockets of my jacket, letting the breeze wash over me. I can’t help but feel a tug of sadness in my chest. I glance around, taking in the lights and hum of the city, and it hits me — tomorrow, I’ll be gone.

We walk the few blocks to our apartment buildings, Grace and Jensen chatting away with their arms draped around each other, but I don’t say much. My footsteps slower than usual, my heart heavy with the weight of leaving. I glance at Carson walking beside me, his hands shoved into his pockets as well. He’s clenching his teeth so hard, I wouldn’t be surprised if they crack. Is he mad at me or what? There’s so much I want to say to him, but I don’t know how. Or maybe I do, and I’m just too scared to admit it. I’m leaving, and this…this feels unfinished.

“Will you be okay?” Grace asks, breaking the silence as she steps up beside me. Her voice is soft, but there’s a knowing edge to it. She always knows when something’s on my mind.

I force a smile, though it feels fragile. “Yeah, I’m just… I’m going to miss you.”

“About leaving?” she presses gently.

I nod, swallowing hard. “Yeah. I didn’t think it’d be this hard. I’ve been trying to ignore how much it sucks to live so far apart from you. We’ve been together our entire lives until I had to leave for work. These past few weeks have just reminded me how much I miss having you constantly around.”

Grace bumps my shoulder lightly, offering a comforting smile. “You know we’ll always be here. Denver isn’t going anywhere. And neither are we.”

I nod again, but it doesn’t ease the knot in my chest. I don’t want to lose this — what we have here, what I have withCarson. The thought of going back to California, of things returning to the way they were before, feels wrong. Like I’m leaving something behind that I’m not ready to let go of.

I steal another glance at Carson. His face is unreadable, his silence gnawing at me. There’s so much I want to ask him, so much I need to understand. But now, with the city fading behind us and the apartment looming closer, the words feel stuck, tangled up in my throat.

“All right, so I’ll see you tomorrow to take you to the airport, yeah?” Grace asks as we near Jensen’s apartment building.

“Yes,” I nod. “I really appreciate you driving me.”

“Of course!” Grace reaches over and grabs my hand. “It’ll give us a little extra time together before you have to take off.”

Smiling softly, I yank her into a hug.

“I love you,” I say, squeezing her tight.

“I love you too,” Grace replies, squeezing me back.

We say our goodbyes to Grace and Jensen when we reach Jensen’s building, and then it’s just me and Carson as we cross the street back to ours. The night is quiet, the streets nearly empty as we make our way to the building. Carson doesn’t say a word to me.

I don’t like this. The easy camaraderie we’d managed to build between us seems to have disappeared and the tension that always used to be there instead is back. Are things really going to go back to the way they were because I’m leaving?

That thought makes my stomach twist. I realize how much I hate that idea. How much I actually want things to stay good between us.

If I’m really, truly honest with myself, I know I’ve begun falling for Carson. It’s a stupid thing for me to do, but I haven’t been able to stop it from happening. Once we let the animosity between us go and just started to have fun, thedefenses around my heart started to weaken. Maybe I’ve always held onto these feelings for him since we were kids and have just refused to acknowledge them.

Whatever the case may be, I can’t ignore the reality that I’m more than just attracted to him. Yet, I can’t bring myself to confess any of this because in the back of my head, his rejection when we were teenagers plays over and over again. I’m constantly reminded that he said he wasn’t attracted to a girl like me. Yes, we were kids, and yes it’s silly to hold onto something like that, but the impact his words had on me isn’t something I can easily shake or forget.

We make our way inside the building and up to my floor. Still, Carson doesn’t say a word. He won’t even look at me. A part of me had been hoping to spend this last night wrapped in his arms, but I don’t think I could stomach it if he kept acting so cold and distant. That’s not the last memory of our time together I want to take home with me.

Reaching my floor and my door, I stop and turn to him. He won’t even meet my gaze. My stomach tightens and my heart twists, which pisses me off. So much for being friends in the end. Seems like our time together was a big waste. At least before we started fucking, he talked to me, even if it was just to pester and bicker with me. This, whatever this is, is just pathetic. I’m not about to beg him for a warm farewell or even an acknowledgment that the time we spent together was worth anything. If he wants to be quiet and sullen, that’s his problem, not mine.

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