“What if this wasn’t meant for me?” Teddy’s voice was still almost a whisper as he looked to his brother for support.
“Come on, Ted. In your heart you know it’s not me she wants. It’syou. You’re so mad for each other – it’s obvious.”
“Hmmpph. Well, what if she leaves after all?”
“She hasn’t gone to all this trouble just to leave. Now, I will fucking well carry you inside if I have to.”
Ah, no-nonsense Henry was back. Excellent.
The squeak of the door opening carried up the stairs and I got up from my position on the floor, perching on the arm of one of the chairs and trying to calm my insides, before they conga-danced out of my skin. But when Teddy appeared in the doorway, nervously clutching all manner of weird paraphernalia from the treasure hunt in his arms, I couldn’t help a breathy little gasp escaping.
He glanced at me, but not for long, seemingly unable to keep the eye contact.
“Hello.”
“Hello.”
“Hello.” Henry appeared behind Teddy, grinning, his thumbs stuck up in a nerdy little salute.
“You can go now.” Teddy shot an irritated glance over his shoulder.
“Righto.”
“Wait,” I said softly. “I want Henry to hear this too.”
“I see.” Teddy seemed to stiffen.
“Don’t be a dick, Ted,” Henry said and shoved his twin’s shoulder, so he stumbled over the threshold and into my flat.
“He’s right. You’re being ridiculous.”
“Am I.” It was a statement, not a question. His tone was defensive. He was hurt.
“Yes, you are. Where on earth did you get the idea that I fancy Henry?” I asked. Teddy shrugged, but kept quiet.
“I mean, he’s nice enough, but, well, he’sHenry. What were you thinking?” I carried on, exasperated and waving my hand in his twin’s direction.
“Er, thanks, Hannah.” The crease between Henry’s eyebrows deepened and he pouted a little.
“But the way you look at him…” Teddy’s voice was so unsure. “You never look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like youyearnfor him.”
“When have I ever looked at him like Iyearnfor him?!”
I was baffled and glanced at Henry, who rolled his eyes, and mouthed “dickhead” behind Ted’s back.
“He was all you wanted to talk about when we first bumped into each other, remember? Then, the other night when he and Clara burst in on us, and when we all met in the pub a few weeks back, you couldn’t stop staring with moony eyes,” he replied bitterly.
“Moony eyes? What are you talking about?”
I racked my brains, trying to remember what I had done with my face and my eyes. I tried to rekindle whatever feelings I had experienced in those moments, but the only thing I could think about was how I had coveted the ease with which Clara and Henry loved each other. How their obvious affection and loyalty was evident, how safe and secure they were, like no one else needed to exist. I remembered envying their sense of comfort and acceptance, their unwavering love in the face of all adversity. That was what I longed for – someone who wanted me just the way I was, prickles, freckles, and all. And that was when the realisation dawned.
“It wasn’tHenryI was yearning for when I looked at them.”
“Clara?!” Henry and Teddy both said in shocked unison.