Page 73 of Fundamentals in Flirting

Every part of me was alive to the feel of him, every press of his lips, every stroke of his fingers a bolt of lightning, fuelling my desire and encouraging me to be reckless. I pulled at his shirt to open it, revealing an expanse of warm skin, and like an eager explorer my fingertips followed the dips and ridges of his chest and abdomen, heading south to the waistband of his jeans.

“Mmmmm, this is sonice, Teddy,” I murmured, instinctively arching up towards him.

“Shit, we need to stop.Ineed to stop,” Teddy rasped, breathless, his voice thick with lust and emotion as he attempted to pull away from me.

But I didn’t want to stop. I didn’t want to be sensible. I wanted to feel. I wanted to be wanted. I wanted to pretend I was desirable just for a few more moments. Reaching up to his face, I traced the line of his mouth.

“Please, Teddy. I need this.”

He looked torn, distraught. “I don’t want to do anything rash, anything that you’ll regret.”

“I won’t,” I promised, so hazy with passion that my words seemed to come out slurred, slow and deliberate.

But Teddy was already getting up off the sofa, releasing his hold on me as he tried to readjust his jeans and button up his shirt with shaky hands.

“It’s just meaningless fun between friends, right?” I said, sitting up.

My head was swimming but I desperately wanted to reassure him that I’d manage my own expectations; that he could rely on me not to fall for him. I knew, though, with absolute clarity, that I was too far gone already, but he didn’t need to know this. I could pop this into a little box and squirrel it away in the corner of my mind, in the dark and dusty place I kept reserved for all self-destructive thoughts.

“Meaningless?”

“Of course, Teddy. Don’t worry – I’m not going to fall in love with you.”

My laugh was bright but unconvincing to my own ears. I could feel my heart thudding along like a galloping horse, and I had to grasp the seat cushion to stop myself swaying.

“Right. Of course you won’t.” Rubbing his hands over his face, Teddy sat back down on the arm of the sofa, careful to remain out of touching distance. “That’s a relief.”

Trying not to let him see how much his indifference stung, I crawled across the sofa towards him.

“Can we do some more snogging now?”

Reaching over, he cupped my chin gently. He leant down, his lips hovering over mine, just out of reach.

“But we agreed just one, Hannah.”

“But that wasn’t my best porn star kiss, Teddy.” I pouted and pushed forward, trying to catch his mouth with mine.

Teddy moved back just a fraction, denying me.

“It wasn’t?”

“No.”

“Damn.”

He swallowed and rubbed a thumb over my lips, the rough pad catching on the aching and sensitive flesh there.

I could still taste him, feel him, hear his groan, and I wanted more. Wobbling slightly, I batted my eyelashes – hopefully coquettishly and not just as though I had something irritating my corneas.

“Shall we have another go, so I can show you?”

Teddy laughed a little sadly.

“I would absolutely love to have another go, but not now. Not until you’ve sobered up.” He paused, gazing into my eyes and pushing my hair behind my ear. “And not until you realise that whenwekiss, Hannah, it’s never, ever, meaningless.”

He stood up and I fell forwards on the sofa into a jelly-like heap of uncertainty and chaos. A major internal malfunction was occurring. Something was happening inside my brain that I was wholly incapable of processing just now. The room began to spin and I remained motionless while Teddy tidied up around me. The faint sounds of him washing up came from the kitchen as my consciousness started to seep away, suddenly inexorably tired and groggy.

The feel of his arms around me as he lifted me gently from the sofa couldn’t even encourage me to open my eyes, but I did snuggle into his warmth, pressing my nose into his neck and inhaling deeply.

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