Page 64 of Fundamentals in Flirting

The voice was like a bucket of ice-cold water on my libido, and I instinctively jumped back, ripping out of Teddy’s grasp and turning away, the familiar feelings of acute embarrassment and self-loathing spiking within me.

“What are you doing loitering in this dark corner?” came the voice again.

“Hello, Mandy.”

It couldn’t have been anyone else really, could it? Teddy reached out and tried to take my hand, but I shrank away, doing my best to meld into the hedge behind us and disappear.

“Oh, I didn’t realise you had company. Is that Hannah Havens?”

My name was said with a mixture of surprise and revulsion, like she had just discovered a slug in her mouth.

“Hi,” I said quietly.

“Yes, Hannah and I came together. How are you? Having a nice time?” Teddy’s voice was smooth and charming, but standing this close to him I could sense a very faint undercurrent of tension in his posture.

But Mandy was oblivious. She batted her eyelashes and her ample cleavage threatened to spill out of a very low-cut dress as she stepped closer.

“I’m good, but disappointed that you haven’t called me yet.”

“Sorry, I’ve been very busy – you know how it is.”

“I’ll always make time for you,” she replied in a seductive tone that was really not necessary.

“Good to know.”

I remained rooted to the spot, feeling the uncomfortably familiar feeling of being a third wheel – not just a gooseberry but an entire gooseberry bush. I wondered when he was going to tell her to bog off, but he didn’t. He just smiled broadly at her and she seemed to melt into a pile of pink chiffon-coated gloop in front of him.

“I’m just going to find the loo,” I said, from my position in the bush, theatrically rolling my eyes.

“Ok, just wait. I’ll?—”

“Sounds like a great idea, Hannah,” Mandy answered, cutting Teddy off and not even bothering to glance in my direction.

“Catch you later, Ted.”

Bitterness laced every word. Hurt creeping back in that he would let this happen all over again; thatIhad let this happen all over again. Why hadn’t I learnt anything from his previous form? Of course he’d always bow down to the cool gang, and most definitely avoid any real association with Nerdy McNerdface, here.

“Hannah, wait?—”

“I’ll be fine. I’m sure I can find my own way. I’m a big girl.”

And with that I stomped off, allowing these old school chums to get reacquainted.

Because, once again, I was the humiliated teenager, the odd one out, leaving in a huff. A spooky re-enactment of Teddy’s eighteenth birthday party, just as he’d asked for.

ChapterTwenty

Seething. That’s a good word, isn’t it? When your skin feels like it’ll crawl completely off your body, the intense dislike and humiliation causing a physical reaction in your outermost layer, while simultaneously wondering if your blood might really be boiling you alive on the inside. Yes, well, that’s exactly the level I was at. Mostly at Mandy, but also at myself and more than a tiny bit at Teddy. But in reality I had no right to feel like this. He was just being his usual affable self, so why did it make me so mad? Why hadn’t he told her to get lost? Why had he picked her? Again.

Washing my hands in the basin of the posh trailer of portable toilets, I glanced in the mirror. Prickly pufferfish mode was engaged. A spiky sticking plaster of stroppiness to cover the intense embarrassment and disappointment I was feeling, accompanied by the horror of being transported right back to being eighteen and knowing that Mandy’s awfulness went unseen by everyone but me. Still.

I knew that despite the make-up and the fancy clothes, I was still as unattractive as I’d always been. And my heart crumbled away inside me like dust as the mocking voice in my head berated me for ever considering myself to be anything other than a freckly-faced geek. My expression was drawn into a deep scowl, so that even I shied away from the fearsome-looking woman in the mirror and scrubbed my lipstick away with a tissue.

But do you know the worst thing? The main thought that was running through my head? And it was a truly disastrous one. But there it was, spinning like a top in my brain. The only thing I didn’t feel able to let go of was that the last time she’d barged in on us, at least I’d managed to get a snog first.

See? Ridiculous, right? It would be better not to think like that. It should be a relief that we hadn’t actually kissed this time, that there was nothing to miss and nothing to lament or apologise for. Nothing to fuel the fire inside me further. I should be grateful that Mandy had turned up when she did, right? She saved me from my hormones because no good could come of fanning the flames of this absurd crush.

After drying my hands, I teetered down the little metal steps of the trailer and out onto the gravelled courtyard, deciding to try to find Henry and Clara, via the bar, when I was instantly engulfed in pungent perfume, long talon-like nails gripping my wrist and tugging me backwards.

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