Page 32 of Fundamentals in Flirting

“Oh, I definitely know what you meant,” he replied. “But if you could just hold one end of the gate for now, that would be perfect.”

Reluctantly I picked up the side of the gate that he had indicated and glared at him, but he just blew me a kiss as he grabbed the other end. I’d asked for this, I realised, when I wanted him to give me a masterclass in wooing; when I apparently enrolled in the fucking Fraser Foundation for Flirting.

Two can play this game of humiliation one-upmanship, Teddy Fraser. Let battle commence.

Just as he bent over the gate, drill in place, facing away from Agnes and Deidre (who still had her head buried in the bucket), I murmured nonchalantly, “Oooh! Watch your back there, Ted. I think the goat wants to say hello.”

I’ve never before seen a man levitate in such a graceful, balletic way, while simultaneously launching a power drill across a barn and squealing like a stuck pig. It was a sight to behold, and I enjoyed the moment so much that I dropped my end of the gate and bent over double, wheezing with laughter.

Realising he was not about to be mauled to death by a goat, Teddy retrieved the power tool from the ground and muttered, “What have I said about playingnicelywith the other children, Hannah?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, snuggle bun. Did the thought of the cute, friendly blind goat frighten you?”

Teddy smirked and lifted up the gate again.

“Hold on to this and don’t drop it again, honey bumpkins, ok?”

“You’ve got it, fuzzy flappy face.”

Teddy chuckled and shook his head.

“I think maybe you should leave the endearments up to me, flowery bunny chops.”

“Whatever you say, cheeky bum.”

This one really made him laugh.

“Were you looking at my backside when you were meant to be holding the gate, Hannah? I mean, it’s totally understandable and nothing to be embarrassed about. I do it all the time to you, my horny little cuddle muffin.” Teddy picked up the broken wooden bars and began fixing them back together. “But try and keep your mind out of my pants, just for a few moments, and on the job at hand, all right, sugar dumpling?”

I blew out an exasperated breath. He was far too good at this, and I had nothing. Not a single witty retort left in my brain.

I glanced over at Agnes, who had been watching our exchange with growing amusement.

“Not a couple, huh? My backside,” she said smugly.

When Teddy had mended the gate so that its new construction would stop an 800kg Hereford bull from getting through it, he gathered his tools together and I helped Agnes to top up Deidre’s water and hay. I also gave her a brief check for injuries.

As we closed the door to the stable and headed back towards the house, Teddy turned to Agnes.

“Would you like a cup of tea? There’s not much in the house yet to sit on, but I could probably rustle up a packing crate or two and some bourbon biscuits.”

“Oh no, dear. I should be heading back, and I think there’re other things that you two want to be getting on with.” She shot a salacious look at us and patted Teddy’s arm gently. “I’ll be back to check on Deidre later, and I’ll try to sort a corner of my garage to move her into temporarily.”

“There’s no need for that, Agnes. She can stay where she is for now, can’t she, Hannah?”

I wasn’t totally sure why he was asking me, but I nodded and gave Agnes a little thumbs up.

“Well, if you’re sure? It would put my mind at ease. See you lovebirds later.”

“Think nothing of it.”

Teddy’s eyes twinkled good-naturedly as he watched her depart through a hole in his hedge and disappear into what I assumed to be her own garden next door.

It suddenly struck me that maybe this wasn’t an act. Maybe he genuinely liked people. He liked them enough to get to know them and to offer his services (and his shippen). He actually worried about hurting people’s feelings, even if it meant his own life was trickier because of it.

“You’re staring at me, Hannah.”

“What? I am not,” I huffed, annoyed that he’d caught me gawping at him. “Come on, Mr Fixit. You can make me a cup of tea if you’re putting the kettle on, especially if there are bourbon biscuits on offer.”

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