Page 99 of Fundamentals in Flirting

“No, you idiots. Not Clara.” Pinching my nose and closing my eyes briefly, I sighed and tried to gather my thoughts. “I’ve never seen two people who are so obviously meant to be together, who so obviously and unashamedly love each other. That’s what I yearn for, what Henry and Clara have together, Teddy, not an illicit lesbian affair with Clara.”

“I think I should leave you to it.” Henry flushed a little and backed away, giving me an encouraging smile, before disappearing down the stairwell and leaving us alone.

“Do you mean that?” Teddy said.

“Yes. Clara’s beautiful, but I’m definitely not yearning for her.”

“No, not the lesbian bit, although that thought is quite hot.” Teddy seemed to drift off somewhere, a dazed expression on his face, until the coaster I lobbed at him caught him on the arm.

“Focus!”

“Sorry.” He pulled out his top-tier sexiest grin, blinding me with teeth and dimples, and mischievousness. “I actually meant the bit about wanting to be unashamedly in love with someone?”

“No.”

“No?”

“No. Not just someone. Someone who unashamedly loves me back.”

“I see.”

“And I was hoping that might be you.”

The weight of this confession tentatively stretched between us, a thick thread of hope and anxiety, vibrating with doubt, a moment stopped in time as I waited for his answer.

“Were you?” He was quiet. His eyes were impossibly dark, his whole body still, except for a slight flexing of his fingers where he held the emasculators.

“Yes. But…”

“But?”

“But if you only want a quick fling, then…”

“Then?”

I sighed and felt myself start to crumble inwards. “Then I’m not sure that’s something I could do.”

“I see.” He stepped forward and placed all the objects he was holding on the dining table and closed the door to the stairwell behind him. “That’s not something I want.”

“Oh.”

“Oh?”

“Ok.” Fiddling with the slightly frayed hem of my shirt, I focussed all my being on not crying, and on rebuilding my defences, prickle by painful prickle.

“Don’t look like that, Hannah. I thought you knew me well enough by now. I thought I’d made it very clear what I wanted?”

“Right.” I kept my eyes trained downwards, not really taking in what he was saying, hoping to hold it together for a few more moments. Until he left, until I was alone with this humiliation and could unleash the devastation that was wrecking my whole body from the inside.

“Please look at me, Hannah.”

I chanced a glance in his direction. My vision was swimming with unshed tears, but he smiled a soft, sincere smile.

“I don’t want a casual fling. I wantyou, all of you, with my whole being. Completely. Forever.” He paused and swallowed. “You should know that in every moment of every day, you are all I want and all I can think about. You drive me crazy.” Running his hands through his hair, he glanced nervously to my feet and then back up to meet my eyes. “I love you, unashamedly.”

“You do?”

“I do.”

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