Page 5 of Whispered Southern Secrets

No! No, I’m not okay. I’m going to hell.I’m surprised I haven’t burst into flames. Of all the sins I’ve committed, I think this one ranks at the top.

“I’m fine,” I wheeze out.

Brother Johnny David. He went by J.D. at the bar. I know what that stands for now. And of course he’s going to lead the next hymn. His mother is beaming with pure love and devotion as she watches him begin to sing while she plays the piano.

That voice.

I’ve never heard a hymn sung like that. It’s moving, soothing, and overpowering all at once. This man could make an atheist want to convert with that voice. He really is one of God’s angels.

And I…

I’m going to be sick. Worse, I’m still being seduced by him. I’m sitting here in the pew ogling this man. Who is Mrs. Jinny’s son!Oh my…I’ll never be able to look her in the eye again. How can I look into that sweet face and know what I did to her son? I’ll have to avoid Brother Johnny too. I can’t shake his hands and allow him to bless me after what I did to his son. And I did a lot of things to his son. And his son did some pretty incredible things to me. His voice isn’t his only blessing. Heat creeps up the back of my neck and on to my cheeks. This is the weirdest situation I’ve ever been in. There’s this longing in my chest but a gnawing guilt, with a healthy dose of fear, swirling in the pit of my stomach.

This is God punishing me. Nobody can tell me the Lord doesn’t have a sense of humor, because right now He has jokes. It was three years ago, but He waited until the perfect moment, when I would least expect it, to be like,rememberthat one really sinful night you had? You’ve been fantasizing about it and praying to meet him again? Bazinga! He’s the new preacher.

I wonder if there’s a special place in hell for fornicating with the pastor? When we met he said he was in the Air Force. He didn’t mention being one of God’s soldiers. He isn’t Catholic, so maybe he can date. Then again, dating and one-night-stands are two separate things. There’s the argument that a one night stand can lead to dating. There’s still the fact he laid with a woman he wasn’t married to… I feel like I’m getting into a lot of gray areas. Lust is a sin. There’s a lot of lusting happening right now. Jesus would probably forgive me of my sins, but I’m not so sure some of the ladies here are as forgiving. I can keep our secret if J.D. can.

I was worried about everyone whispering about my recent divorce. That seems quite mild a scandal compared to what would happen if anyone learned of my history with the new pastor.

Chapter Three

J.D.

I have to blink several times to make sure I’m seeing correctly. You’ve got to be kidding me. My first Sunday leading the service and a ghost from my past is sitting in the pew. Not sure why “H,” the woman from my dreams, is here, and situated closely to Mrs. Minnie Montgomery. Then it clicks. Of course. She’s the Montgomery’s granddaughter, Honey. Real name is Harper Beaumont. She would spend her summers in Magnolia Grove. When she wasn’t with her grandparents she’d be glued to Olivia Duprey’s side. But I don’t recall her ever looking so beautiful that it stops you in your tract, even if she did only visit summers and holidays. She was quite possibly the most gorgeous woman I’d ever seen. Her features have matured. She carried herself with grace yet still maintained that free-spirited laugh and smile she had even as a child. But I don’t ever remember being hypnotized by that dazzling smile.

Then again, I was always looking for a way out of town. I didn’t even graduate from high school. I dropped out at seventeen, passed the GED exam, and enrolled in the military. I was itching to get out of Magnolia Grove.

The whole thing devastated Mama. She didn’t want to see me in the Air Force. The more she tried to convince me I was meant to be in front of a congregation and using my gift of music and charisma for the church, the more I wanted to distance myself. My father is the most noble and genuinely caring man I know. That’s not me. Who am I to lead people? Protecting people is more of my specialty. I was a total shithead to my parents, yet they never once gave up on me. They continued to encourage me in any profession I chose. Mama did worry about me being in the military, and I know it killed her having me so far away.

Five years ago, she suffered a stroke and took a hard fall. I never prayed a lot. Crazy, since I’m a preacher’s kid. For years I prayed while I was away in the Air Force that she’d be okay. Her recovery was slow. Barely any progress. I was finally allowed a short leave to visit. It seemed like seeing me gave her renewed energy; her speech became clearer, a drastic improvement. She brought up again the idea of me going into ministry. I told her if she’d do her physical therapy, allow her nurses to help, get better for me, I’d do it. That night, I prayed the hardest I’d ever prayed, and again, making all kinds of promises. When I left, I needed to clear my head. I was only planning on throwing back a beer and singing a few songs.

That’s the night I met her. There was no denying she was a pretty girl, but I saw in her eyes and heard in her voice the same emotions I was feeling. Broken. Lost. Hopeful. Finding comfort in music. My soul called out to hers in a way I’ll never be able to explain. Her auburn hair, light dusting of freckles, and sun kissed skin was temptation, but her raspy, soft voice was all promises. The passion she exuded while singing had me dying to know if she was that way in everything she did.

I’d never exactly been a role model. Never saw the point in even trying when everyone already held me to an unrealistic standard. “You’re the preacher’s son,” was said to me at leastonce every single day growing up. It’s like everyone loved to remind me. My own parents never put that pressure on me, but growing up in a small town, everyone felt it was their place to hold me accountable. I wanted to scream that I was the son of a man and not the Messiah.

However the little voice in my head would also remind me. Despite getting into a little mischief here and there, I never did anything too scandalous. I’d never had a one-night stand. Dated around, yes. Had a few reoccurring hook ups, yes. Of course not with anyone around Magnolia Grove. And never with a stranger.

She was different.

I’d never believed in much in my life but in that moment I was convinced love at first sight was real. I wanted to sin and be pure all at once. She made me want to pray, worship, and weep. Her voice was the most beautiful thing I’d ever heard. I’d never felt so alive hearing her. The connection when I looked into her stunning golden brown eyes made my chest ache. I had to touch her, and when I felt how soft and delicate she was under my hands, I knew I’d do anything to be with her. At least for one night. But first I wanted to be honest with her. I had enough on my place and there was no room for romance, plus I knew I didn’t deserve her. I wouldn’t be able to be a devoted boyfriend between the military and my mom’s health. She wouldn’t be a priority in my life. When she almost jumped with glee that I’d vanish, that sealed the deal. We shared the night together, and then she was the one to vanish.

When I made it back to base and called Mama, I promised, again, I would do whatever she wanted if she focused on getting better. We prayed together over the phone. Then a miracle happened. Mama began improving. Divine intervention or her stubbornness and strong will for me to come back home and be part of the church, but she was on the verge of almost a full recovery. I changed my position in the Air Force from engineerto work in ministry; and when it came time to reenlist, I instead went to a university close to home to pursue a master’s in divinity. I actually finished everything quickly and became one of the younger ministers around here. It’s all worth it to have my mama smiling at me from behind the piano. The mobility in Mama’s fingers didn’t fully recover and they still bother her from time to time. I thought for sure she’d be devastated, but she only smiled and said, “The only thing I enjoy more than playing is listening to you play.”

And there it is. Guilt and a compliment all wrapped into one sentence. And play I do. Whenever her fingers won’t allow her to, I step in and play during church services and when they need me funeral services.

The biggest surprise through all this is it feels natural. While I was working to become a Chaplain in the Air Force, I really felt a connection while helping and talking with people. Praying over people. It came so easily and I do enjoy helping others. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.

Except for that one night.

That one night that has come back to taunt me.

I wasn’t pursuing ministry at the time, but the people of Magnolia Grove are not thrilled about my father wanting to retire and have me take his place. If they hear that before I became a preacher I’d had spent a night that would have the devil blushing… It’d be over. Everyone knows I wasn’t exactly a saint growing up. I was a mean little shit as a kid. Constantly pulling pranks as a teenager. That they can overlook. But a one-night stand…with a woman I didn’t even know at the time.

If Paul can go from persecuting Christians to being one of Jesus’s disciples, surely this sinner can find his place at the table. Somehow I don’t think I’ll be able to sway this crowd. The worst part is I don’t want them to lose faith in their pastor. It’s easy to forget that preachers are people with needs and flaws too. Atthe end of the day I’m nothing more than a man who wants to help people and spread my love for Jesus. I’m still a sinner. I still fall short every single day. I know I’m unworthy. My image with Magnolia Grove is fragile. If anyone learns about my one night with Honey three years ago, I don’t think the congregation’s shock will ever recover.

I somehow manage to get through the service. Honey doesn’t waste any time darting out of the church. I guess that means she recognizes me. Good to know she hasn’t forgotten our night either. Everyone is gracious as they tell me how much they enjoyed the service. All I want to do is chase after her, but it’s okay. I can be patient. Unlike last time, now I know who she is and exactly how to find her.

Mimi’s Gasoline Grove sounds phenomenal for tomorrow’s lunch. After all, they have catfish, sweet tea, and Honey.

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