Page 32 of Whispered Southern Secrets

I allow the kids to decide with what they’re comfortable calling me. Brother John David. John. J.D. Mr. Brewster. Mr. B. James was the only one to insist on “Preacher Man.” Not sure he used it as my name or a nickname.

“Yes, Miss Daisy?”

She’s painfully shy. It’s hard to believe she has offensive that warrant her to need community service. Her sweet and shy demeanor is probably how she was able to get away with shoplifting in the first place.

“Would it be possible for me to learn to sing while here?”

“Absolutely. That’s a wonderful idea. Do you want to sing in the choir?” She nods slowly. “I know just the person we can recruit to help us.”

I knew Honey wouldn’t be able to tell Daisy no once she met her. Am I playing dirty? Kind of. But it’s for the greater good. Daisy gets to learn how to sing from the most talented woman I know—other than Mama, of course. And I get to have Honey helping with the church choir.

As we’re finishing up choir I get several texts from James.

James: Preacher Man! Why did you never read this verse during a sermon:

James: Ezekiel 23:20There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.

James: Does that mean what I think it does?

James: This book is wild! Why doesn’t anybody read their verses? Nobody would be dozing off or watching the clock to go eat if you were talking donkey balls and horse jizz.

Me: I’m beyond proud that you’re reading the Bible. Keep going. You’ll be surprised what you’ll find in there.

James: I’m tellin’ ya!

Honey walks over to me. “What has you snickering at your phone?”

“James. He’s reading the book of Ezekiel.” I stand up and pocket my phone.

“Why is that funny? I’m confused.”

“Donkey testicles,” I tell her and then walk off. “Ready to go, Daisy?”

“I’m even more confused!” Honey calls out.

I spendthe rest of the afternoon helping and visiting with folks. One family needs grocery delivered. I go and pray with a few families. Dad, Mama, and I go to the nursing home to sing and pray. By the end of the afternoon, all I want to do is go home to Honey.

But she’s not going to be home when I get there. We don’t live together. The last time she was there when I walked in was like my fantasy come to life. There was even a dog wagging its tail excited to see me. I want that Hallmark moment. After all, isn’t that the American dream? White picket fence, dog, and family. Maybe not in that order. It’s not that I believe it’s an unforgivable sin to live together before marriage. A part of me feels that since I was so loose with my morals that now I need to pick at least a few things and hold on to them. Marrying a woman before moving in together and having a sexual relationship was one of them.

Deep down I knew there was no need to worry about dating or being with other women. It was always Honey. Both of us returning when we did. Both single. There’s no denying how perfectly everything has aligned. As crazy as it is, and it is crazy since it’s not even been a year, I’m going to propose. I’ll have the rest of my life for her to get comfortable enough to share all her secrets. Or maybe she’ll always be a mystery. As long as she’s my wife, I’ll be happy.

With my mind made up, I hurry to find my father. He’s sitting in the den reading while Mama is crocheting.

“Honey likes to crochet.”

They both stop what they’re doing to turn and look at me. Mama gives a knowing smile. “I know. She’s crocheted with me and Minnie a few times. She got us shirts for Christmas last year. Mine read, ‘It Takes Balls to Knit.’ Minnie’s was a little more saucy. It read, ‘Wanna See My Knitties.’ There were two yarn balls positioned…” She clears her throat.

I’m unsure if I should go ahead and bring up my intentions while we’re on the subject of her.Yes. Isn’t she so witty? I should marry her.

“I love Honey.”

Dad raises his head and beams. “Are we talking about eating? I’m starving. I like honey, too, son. Are we thinking of having your mama’s honey glazed chicken, again?”

“No, sir. I’m talkin’ about Honey Beaumont. I’m in love with her, and I aim to marry her.”

“Oh that’s wonderful!” Mama is already getting teary-eyed.

Dad on the other hand rolls his shoulders back. “About time. I’d like to be able to see some grandbabies without both of us being in diapers.”

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