Page 33 of Cabin Fever With My First Flame

“What about our letters to God?” Micah pleads. “I know we have to take the Johnsons into town, but half an hour of reading our letters won’t make a difference.”

I want to once again correct Micah that it’s McNamara, but after that kiss from Finn, I’m too busy daydreaming about a different last name being attached to me to care. “I think we still have time. It takes, like, two seconds to shove our clothes into our backpacks, Finn. It’s not like I brought 15 pairs of shoes to match every outfit or any of my hair and makeup accessories.”

Finn smirks. “I kind of like the cartoon reindeer pajama look, especially with the winter boots. As far as makeup and beauty thingamajiggers are concerned, you don’t need any of those things to look gorgeous, Bailey.”

Finn has always said the sweetest things, but I can’t let that affect me. I’m already on the fence aboutmorewith Finn. “Then you’re okay with us doing the whole ‘letter’ thing before we go?”

“Yeah. We have plenty of time. I just know that your parents, Barb and Henry, are excited to see you,” he says.

“My parents will understand, and it’s not like they have a time frame in which to expect us. I’m kind of excited to hear what the kids want for Christmas.”

Micah gestures for us to follow him. Mia, Ava, Isaac, and Jonah are sitting snugly on the couch. Ella puts a hand on my arm and holds me back. “That was some kiss, Mom. I didn’t know you had it in you.”

I did. As I reflect on the kiss last night in the basement, I murmur. “I’m sorry if it bothered you to witness the display.”

Ella grimaces. “I’m just glad to see someone can make you smile, Mom. It’s been a long time since Dad was able to do it. Iknow that sounds harsh, but I can’t recall a time he ever kissed you like that.”

I can’t bring myself to admit that Daniel had never kissed me like that, not even when we were in private. “Your dad was busy with the restaurant. We just forgot to make time for romance, Ella. My advice to you is that when you get married, continue to date.”

“Continue to date?” Ella asks, confused.

“Yep! There’s excitement in dating. It feels fresh and new. Even when it isn’t, you get to leave the kids at home with a sitter or sneak in a private lunch somewhere other than work. Your dad and I never really did any of that. We just…were. I should have put in more effort to make it work.”

At this, Ella scoffs. As the oldest, she understands that I did everything I could and some of the extremes I went through to get Daniel’s attention. “And you think dating was the answer?”

“It’s about making time for one another, Ella. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. Daniel and I stopped doing that. We focused on you girls and the restaurant and forgot about each other.”

Ella purses her lips. “It’s a two-way street, Mom. I love Dad despite his mistakes, but that doesn’t mean I have to condone his actions. You have a man waiting for you in the other room who would give you the world if you let him.”

I give my daughter a side hug. “I know, Baby Girl, but I’m scared. I’m scared Finn will run away at the first sign of trouble. I’m scared of him breaking my heart all over again.”

“Mom, it’s time to open the letters!” Ava shouts, running over to me and dragging me behind her. “I asked God for the bestest thing ever!”

The four youngest take up the oversized couch, and Micah takes the single seat. Ella stands by the tree, ready to go all Vanna White on us. The only spots left for Finn and me are onthe loveseat. Once I sit down, I rub my hands back and forth over my thighs. “Okay, Micah. How does this work?”

Jonah raises his hand. “I know! The envelopes get passed out, and we each read one, starting from youngest to oldest. We won’t know whose letter we get until we open them!”

Ella collects the envelopes from the tree and passes them out. Ava is the first to open hers and scowls. “I think this one is from Jonah. I can’t read the writing.” She hands me the letter and sits on my lap while I read it aloud.

"Dear God,

If I could have one thing, it would be my mom and dad. I know you can raise people from the dead, but I also know that you are taking good care of them in Heaven. They like to make funny jokes, so you probably want to keep them with you. But if I can’t have them, then maybe you can give us Bailey, Ava, Mia, and Ella. I love them.

Love,

Jonah"

Ava looks up at me with a smug expression. “I told you it was from Jonah! His writing is as good as his artwork!”

Jonah’s lips turn down. “My mom said my writing is as good as a doctor’s!”

I gesture to the twins. “Which one of you is the youngest?” I ask, getting them back on track. “Jonah, that was a very sweet letter. Is it your turn?”

Isaac rips open his envelope. “Nope. Jonah was born eight minutes before me. It’s my turn.

"Dear Jesus,

Life doesn’t always turn out as we expected, but you have greater plans in store for us. You tell us “No” when we’re not ready, “Yes” when we are. Sometimes you say, “Not right now.” I’ve learned to accept your answers because you give them to usin love. You give them to us to protect us. You give them to us because you know better than we do. But that isn’t going to stop me from asking for one more thing. Heavenly Father, I ask that you protect Bailey and her family. Help them find healing and happiness.

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