Page 18 of Beatitude

“In this life maybe.” He drops to his knees in front of me. “Everly, you and I have done all of this before, I know you know that because you feel it too. You heard me begging you. You feel me. We are?—”

“If you want me to go with you,” I say firmly, though my body trembles, I can’t listen to him. I can’t because everything he’s saying is in my head already. We are connected, soulmates, or two halves of the same twisted, depraved soul. I need him like I need my next breath. But no one should feel that kind of awakening after a week—soulmates or not. Inhaling, I steel my gaze as I look into his pleading one. “If you want me to go, you will have to take me in a body bag. I’m not going alive.”

“Why?” His voice breaks as a tear rolls down his face. “W-Why are you doing this? I’ll protect you. I-I will give you anything you want! Money? Jewelry? A house? A car? My fucking heart on a platter? Anything, just name it and it’s yours!” He’s frantic as he reaches for me but I back away.

“Freedom,” I whisper. “Freedom to make my own choice.” His lip quivers for a moment as he looks me over.

“Angel, you will make the wrong choice.”

“It’s my wrong choice to make.” I counter as he shakes his head while standing up.

“Why can’t you see that I’m trying to protect you,” He takes a step toward me and I step back, until I’m at the door.

“I know you think you are,” I say softly. “But the only thing that I need protecting from right now, is you.” It’s as if I stabbed him with my words. His face scrunches up as he closes his eyes, his body deflating. I take the opportunity to reach into his pocket and grab his phone before opening the hotel room door. Ronan grabs me by my hair and tries to tugme back.

“You’re not leaving me.” He grits out through clenched teeth. “I’m not living without you.”

“Let me go,” I whisper calmly. “Or I will scream.” The door is open and all I’d have to do is yell for help and it would all be over.

“You wouldn’t,” he breathes out, “You scream and they will take me away.” I shake my head.

“Don’t make me,” I beg, stepping over the threshold as his hold on my hair releases. “I’m so sorry,” I whisper as he continues to stare through me.

“You will be;” He promises before shutting the door, leaving me standing in the hall. I look down at his phone, it’s locked, of course. Sighing, I make my way to the lobby. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I know I have to get as far away from Ronan as I can before I change my mind.

RONAN

SEVEN

She left.

I stare at my tablet screen while sitting in my car. She’s been picked up by someone judging by how fast she’s moving now. Honestly, I can’t believe she took my phone. It’s the easiest fucking thing to track. I’m glad she did though, because right now, I’m in no state to be trying to locate her any other way.

She left.

“Fuck,” I hiss out as the blade runs across my arm. I can’t remember the last time I needed this kind of release. Probably over a decade. But here I am, line after line, trying like hell to numb the pain. How could she leave? I worship her. I understand her. She and I are on a spiritual level that we won’t find anywhere else and she just decided, what? That I’m too much? That I’m too unhinged? She brings a stranger into our hotel to send me into a jealous rage but I am the unhinged one?

Staring at the screen, I light a cigarette while trying to ignore the burning in my eyes. I cried. I don’t cry. I haven’t since one of the first times my father rammed his cock down mythroat. But I did cry when she left. I feel as though I can’t breathe. I know it’s only been a week, I know it’s fast, but what am I supposed to do? Deny what’s happened? That I’ve fallen over the edge for her? Pretend like she and I aren’t soulmates until a respectable amount of time goes by? Fuck that. I’m a grown ass man and I know what I’m feeling and I’ve never been into societal norms.

She’s so sorry.

Sorry—fucking wonderful. Sorry is perfect. Sorry is great. Please Everly, be sooo fucking sorry. So sorry for walking into my life and giving me hope for the first time in my fucking life just to rip it away. I felt seen, I felt able to breathe and she… well, she’s sorry. So mother fucking sorry. She will be, if she thinks I’ll just tuck my tail between my legs and leave, she’s wrong. I will follow her to the ends of this world and the next. I will be in the shadows, watching. What? She expects to go on and live anormallife? She expects to date? Fuckkk my angel isn’t that stupid is she? Certainly not. She has to know I’ll kill every one of them. And if she doesn’t know, she will when she notices none of them seem to come around after the first date. I will burn this world, Heaven and Hell down for her. But in the same breath, I will burnherworld as well. Nothing about my love for her is selfless or giving. It’s possessive, dark and all-consuming. And I’ll stop at nothing to keep her as mine and only mine.

Tapping on the screen, I unlock my phone from my tablet and turn on the microphone so I can hear what’s happening wherever she is. I hear the loud truck engine, she must be in a semi, fucking wonderful. I don’t hear any talking as I continue to drag my blade over my arm again.

It’s insulting that she seems to ignore how deep my devotion,my obsession for her runs. It’s also insulting that she pretends to fear the idea of us more than a fucking over the road trucker. I mean, I adore her but this here ispreciselywhy I cannot allow her to be on her own. She’s in a semi-truck and she’s under the impression that I’m truly going to turn my back on her and move on. What do I need to do to get her to realize that there’s no going back. I will never be the man I was and I’m okay with it as long as I have her, without her… well, I’m here, seeking relief and obsessing.

Obsession is a double-edged sword, slicing through my sanity and leading me down a path of self-destruction. The more I fixate on my desires, on her, the deeper this blade cuts into my soul, leaving behind a trail of destruction and despair. My obsession with Everly consumes me completely and it will for eternity. I will give her anything, I will do anything for her. Except let her go. I refuse to give her that. If she’s gone, then… what am I? Who am I? I can’t go through another day, hour, minute, second with her being away from me. It can’t work this way and I don't know how I am going to get her to realize that I need her, I need her more than I need anything. My heart beats only for her. She can think what she wants, she can be afraid of her mutual obsession for me, that’s fine, I’ll allow it. But she will do it while beside me.

I exhale my pull from my cigarette as I stare at the tracker. It doesn’t take long for me to figure out whose truck she’s in once I hear the driver call in on their radio. A simple—illegal—search from an acquaintance and I’ve found his CDL, the license plate on his truck andoh that’s interesting—his next scheduled stop is a truck-stop owned by someone with his last name. Why would he schedule a stop like that?

“Where are we going?” Everly’s voice is a punch in thechest. She sounds scared, and her voice is watery. Had… had he?—

“No,” I snap, my head shaking back and forth. “No, no, no, no.” I can’t, I can’t think that. If I do, I'll kill everyone and burn every city until I get to her.

“Shut your whore ass up,” he grunts and I take a steadying breath as I put my car in drive and take off down the highway. They’re ten miles ahead of me and I need to be calm as I approach the truck. I can’t rush out there, he could have a gun on Everly and I wouldn’t be able to get to her before he shot her.

“Fuck you,” Everly spits back as an angry sob wrecks through her. It both destroys me and makes me proud to know she’s still fighting. “I swear to god if you don’t let me out I will kill you.”

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