Page 63 of Filthy Devil

Tears fill my eyes, mainly because I really screwed this up, and I don’t know how to fix it. I keep screwing this up. My breathing starts coming out in pants as I begin to panic. Standing from the bed, I take a step backward, but only one, before I stop.

“It’s not just you in this. Your son, your daughter-in-law, your grandsons. I can’t allow anything to happen to them because of something I created. And I couldn’t live with myself if anything happened to any of them.”

The anger in his gaze slowly dissipates. I don’t know if it’s because I mentioned his grandsons or what, but everything I said was the truth.

“Your clubhouse burned down, Nash. They could have been inside. They could have gotten hurt.” Tears well in my eyes and instantly begin to slide down my cheeks. Then my lip begins to tremble, and I full-on ugly cry.

“Shit,” he hisses. “Come here, sweetheart.”

Nash’s voice softens as he calls me over. I stay where I am for a moment, trying to get myself together, but I’m not sure it works. Because I still feel like I’m a rattled mess. He calls me over again, his tone a bit more stern this time.

That’s when my feet move. It's as if my body does what it wants without me actually forcing it to in any way. When I sink down on the side of the bed again, he reaches for my hands and holds them with his.

“Nothing happened to any of them,” he whispers. “And it won’t. This shit is going to be done, and everything will go back to a more normal state. We have to rebuild the clubhouse, but we have the strip club still.”

“How can you be so calm?” I snap.

His lips curve up into a smile. “Because you care about my family more than you do yourself.”

“I’m not sure what that means,” I whisper.

But I do.

I know exactly what that means. When his fingers wrap around the back of my neck this time, it’s gentle and sweet. He pulls me forward until his mouth touches mine, and I feel like my entire body relaxes in that instant.

“You’re not going anywhere, are you, James?” he murmurs against my mouth.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Good girl,” he grunts, and then I feel his tongue slide across the seam of my lips.

I part them instantly before he slips his tongue inside of me and tastes me. In this moment, I am lost to this man, and I don’t ever want to be found. This is who I belong to. I was full of complete shit when I thought I could leave him in an effort to protect him and his family.

There is no leaving Nash—he is already part of me. I am wholly in love with him. I was stupid to think I could leave.Stupid to think I had any control over this situation because I don’t—I’ve lost it all, and I’m okay with that.

NASH

I’m notsure if it’s completely penetrated yet, but I hope it is starting to sink in with James that I don’t want her to go fucking anywhere. Tomorrow is not promised, no matter what the fuck is going on in your world, and I want to spend today with her.

She lies beside me in the hospital bed, and although my side is sore, I wouldn’t want her anywhere else. Closing my eyes, my body fucking exhausted from the push and pull of emotions earlier, I let out a heavy sigh before I ask her a serious question. One I didn’t think about until Elvis brought it up.

“Do you want babies?” I ask.

She lifts her head, her chin resting against my chest, her eyes wide as she stares at me. What she doesn’t do is answer me. Holding her close, I don’t release my grasp on her as I keep her body close to mine.

“You’re only twenty, James. This is something we should talk about since we’re doing this.”

James sits straight up, forcing my arms to fall away from her body. Her eyes continue to stare into mine, although she is silent. I wait for her to speak. I feel as if she has thought about this, and I’m curious to hear her response.

“Children haven’t ever been something I dreamed about, Nash,” she whispers. Her words sound almost haunted. “I just never thought I would have anyone I’d want to share them with.”

I don’t respond. I’m not sure she wants me to yet. So, instead, I stay silent as I wait for her to continue. James sinks her teeth into the corner of her bottom lip for a moment, tugs on the skin, then releases it.

“I see the way you are with your grandsons. I would be a liar if I said I wouldn’t want something like that in the future with you. I know you don’t want to discuss it anymore, but I understand if you don’t want it with your age.”

I let out a chuckle, then groan as pain shoots through my body from my injury. “Sweetheart, I want to give you everything. If you want children, I’m down with that. If you don’t, I’m okay with that, too. Whatever we do in this life, I want to discuss it and decide together.”

Her lips slowly shift up into a smile that not only reaches her eyes but consumes her entire face. She is stunning. If my side didn’t hurt, and I weren’t in a hospital bed like an old-ass man, I would fuck her right now.

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