Page 32 of Pretend You're Mine

My hand moved on its own, reaching out, brushing against the bare skin of his arm. His breath stuttered. For a moment, neither of us moved, suspended in this strange, charged silence. Then, almost like a reflex, Creed’s hand found my shoulder, his touch hesitant but warm. He pulled me closer, and I went, folding myself into his space, letting the distance between us disappear.

Our lips met in the dark, tentative at first, like we were testing the waters, like earlier in the hot spring. But it didn’t stay that way for long. There was this heat between us, something that ignited the second our mouths connected, and I lost myself in it, in him. His fingers curled into my hair, and a shiver ran through me. It was like we slipped out of the real world and into this place where nothing else matters—no trips, no fears, no confusion. Just this.

I pressed him back into the mattress, my body moving over his, and he melted beneath me, soft and pliant in a way I didn’t expect. I thought he’d push back, that I’d have to coax him into this, but instead, he arched up, meeting me halfway. A soft, needy sound escaped him, muffled against my lips, and it made my chest tighten, a desperate kind of longing twisting inside me.

God, I wanted to take care of him. I wanted to make him feel good, to make him forget whatever ghosts were haunting him right now. My hands moved down, tracing the curve of his body, memorizing the way he felt under my touch. He shivered when I slid my fingers lower, and I took my time, teasing him until he was gasping, clinging to me, his hips twitching as he chased the pressure he so clearly needed.

The air in the room was thick with the sound of our breathing, of quiet whimpers and muffled moans. I slipped my fingers inside him, slow and careful, feeling him open up around me, and it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever felt. His head fell back against the pillow, eyes squeezed shut, mouth open as hefell apart in my hands. I watched every moment of it, transfixed, memorizing the way his eyes fluttered, the way his lips trembled, the way his body shook with each wave of pleasure.

I couldn’t help myself—I wanted more. I shifted lower, kissing a line down his body until I was between his legs, and he made this broken, desperate sound that went straight to my core. He was trembling, so responsive, and when I took him into my mouth, he let out a choked cry, his fingers tangling in my hair. It was messy and raw, the heat of him against my tongue, the way he bucked up into my mouth, barely able to hold himself together.

He came undone beneath me, with a sob that he tried to swallow down, and I savored every second of it, feeling a fierce kind of pride bloom in my chest. I pulled back, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, but before I could even think about finishing myself off, Creed shifted, moving down to press his mouth to mine in a kiss that was almost desperate.

Then he was pushing me back against the bed, his hands fumbling but eager as he reached for me. “I want to,” he murmured against my skin, and there was this hesitation in his voice, like he was afraid of getting it wrong. But then his mouth was on me, hot and eager, and every thought in my head shattered like glass.

His lips wrapped around me, and I couldn’t hold back the groan that ripped free. He started slow, a little clumsy but with this earnestness that made my pulse race. And God, he was so into it, making these low, hungry noises, like he was finding something he didn’t know he was searching for. It wasn’t long before my control slipped, my hands moving to cradle his head, guiding him, and he didn’t pull away, didn’t even hesitate. If anything, he leaned into it, letting me take the lead, letting me use his mouth in a way that sent a thrill straight down my spine.

The heat between us built, intense and overwhelming, like a wave that kept cresting higher and higher until I couldn’t take it anymore. My hips jerked, my hand fisting in his hair as I lost myself in the rhythm of it, the wet slide of his mouth, the way he let me push deeper, taking everything I gave him. It was too much, too good, and before I knew it, I was coming with a groan that echoed through the room.

When it was over, I pulled him up into my arms, both of us breathing hard, and he collapsed against me, his face buried in my neck. We lay there, tangled up in each other, the heat of our bodies mingling, and for a while, we didn’t say anything. But the silence was different, softer somehow, like we’d smoothed out some of the rough edges.

Eventually, the words bubbled up in my chest, and I couldn’t keep them in any longer. I brushed my thumb over his cheek, feeling the warmth of his skin. “Creed,” I murmured, my voice barely more than a whisper in the dark. “Come spend Christmas with me. After I get back.”

He went still for a moment, like he was considering it, and then he lifted his head, his lips brushing mine in a slow, gentle kiss that made my chest ache. “Yeah,” he whispered, the word like a promise against my mouth. “I’d like that.”

CHAPTER 18

CREED

The hum of the highway mingled with the low chatter of morning radio as we headed back to Chicago, the sun just beginning to rise, painting the sky in soft shades of pink and orange. I glanced over at Avery—hair tousled, dressed in a crisp shirt that made him look every bit of a man who had it all together. He focused on the road, but there was a tension in his jaw, a tightness in his grip on the wheel.

I shifted in my seat, trying to get comfortable, but my thoughts kept dragging me back to this morning, to the way his hand had brushed against mine as he handed me the envelope. The weight of it was heavy in my jacket pocket, heavier than it should have been. He didn’t say much when he gave it to me, just gave me a soft, almost apologetic smile. But I’d seen the look in his eyes—guilt, maybe, or regret. Hell, I’d felt a twinge of my own and I almost burst into tears, clutching that damn envelope.

He’d paid me, just like we agreed. Paid me to play pretend, to act like I belonged in his world for a weekend. It was more money than I’d seen in months. But that didn’t stop the shame from clawing up my throat, mixing with the bitter taste of pride. I could practically hear my father’s voice echoing in my head, mocking me for needing a handout, for taking moneyin exchange for playing pretend with Avery. But I pushed the thought away. I needed the cash—God knew I needed it—but the memories of the past few days, of Avery’s touches, his kisses, they wouldn’t stop replaying in my head.

I’d made sure to take a long, thorough shower before we left, letting the hot water pound against my skin, as if I could scrub away the weight of everything I was feeling. I lingered under the spray until my fingers wrinkled, trying to savor every second because who knew when I’d find a place with a working shower again? I’d even caught myself pressing my forehead against the tile, breathing through the tightness in my chest, fighting back the tears that kept threatening to spill over.

It wasn’t like I didn’t get anything out of the weekend—Avery’s touch, the way his mouth moved over mine, the heat of his hands on my skin. I couldn’t deny how much I’d wanted it. And the way I’d reacted—my body arching into his touch, my lips parting for his—confirmed what I’d known deep down but never dared to admit, even to myself. I was gay. The very thing my father despised, the reason he’d lashed out at me all those years ago, calling me things I couldn’t repeat without tasting bile.

“Everything okay?” Avery’s voice cut through my thoughts, tentative, like he was afraid of what the answer might be. He glanced at me from the corner of his eye, and I forced a nod, looking away quickly, focusing on the blur of trees outside the window.

“Yeah, just tired.” It was easier than saying the truth—that my head was a mess, that every mile we drove felt like another mile closer to a life that didn’t fit right anymore. That I didn’t know how to deal with wanting him, with wanting more than the transaction we’d agreed on.

“Good... good,” he muttered, the words trailing off, and I could hear the uncertainty in his voice, the same uncertainty that twisted up inside me. He shifted his grip on the steeringwheel, fingers flexing and relaxing, like he wanted to reach out but didn’t know if he should.

We fell back into silence, but it wasn’t the comfortable kind. It was thick, heavy, filled with all the things we weren’t saying. I couldn’t stop thinking about the way he’d looked at me last night, how his touch had lingered even after we pulled apart. How he’d made me feel like... like maybe I wasn’t a screw-up. Like I was worth holding onto.

But that was before he handed me the envelope. Before the real world came crashing back in.

I glanced sideways at Avery, watching the way the morning light caught in his hair, turning it a warm gold. I wondered if he was thinking about it too—about the way our bodies had fit together, how his breath had hitched when I kissed him. Maybe he was thinking about Japan, about the business trip that would take him away for a month, far from the mess that was me.

“You’ll have a good time in Japan, right?” I forced out the question, my voice sounding rough in my own ears, trying to make it seem like I wasn’t already counting down the days until I’d see him again. Until we’d be back in each other’s orbit.

Avery glanced at me, a small, almost wistful smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Yeah. I mean, it’s for work, but... I’ll try.” His hand brushed the gear shift, as if he wanted to reach for mine but thought better of it. “I’ll see you at Christmas?”

I nodded, swallowing the knot in my throat, but I couldn’t keep the sadness from seeping into my voice when I realized that was still four weeks away. “Yeah. See you at Christmas.”

The words hung between us, filled with a kind of desperate hope that made my chest ache. He gave me a lingering look, and for a moment, it felt like he might pull over, drag me back into his arms, and kiss me again. But he just turned back to the road, his smile fading like the warmth of Thanksgiving.

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