Page 1 of The Temporary Roomie: Extended Edition

CHAPTER 1

Jessie

The line rings three times before Lucy answers. “Hey, Jes—”

“HE DIDN’T SHOW!” I immediately yell at my best friend.

Lucy chuckles. She’s lucky she’s not anywhere near me right now, or I’d pinch her in the tender spot under her arm for taking this so lightly. “Who didn’t show? Your grandaddy or my brother?”

“Drew. Your obnoxious brother!”

“Quit yelling!” Lucy yells back.

“I can’t!”

“Why not?!”

“Because I’m fired up! This is Drew’s way of getting back at me for hating him so much. He agreed to help me today,planningto stand me up and make me look like a fool in front of my grandaddy. I bet he’s walking into the sunset with a devious smile, wearing a white linen suit right now.”

“M’kay, first, it’s still morning. And second, you really don’t know him at all.”

I frown. “You don’t think he’d wear a white linen suit? I’m positive he—”

“No. What I mean is I’m sure he has a good excuse, because last night when I called and asked him to help you, he didn’teven hesitate before saying yes. Have you tried calling him this morning?”

“Ha! Have I tried calling him?! Only fifteen times. It went to voicemail all of those times. I’m sorry to inform you, Lucy, but your brother is a class-A jerk, and I was right not to trust him.”

What I don’t admit to Lucy is that this is my own fault for ever letting myself rely on a man who would love nothing more than to ruin my life. I can’t really blame him, though, because the feeling is mutual. Believe me, if there was literally anyone else in the world I could ask to pose as my fake fiancé, I would. I even asked a random guy in the grocery store last night, but oddly enough, he said no. Actually, it wasn’t so muchnoas it was him speed walking away from me clutching his bottle of mustard. I was forced to rely on Drew because I was out of time and options, and that’s a terrifying place to be in life.

Last night, my grandaddy (the man who raised me) called to let me know he was surprising me and coming for a weekend visit in the morning (which is now). I would normally be ecstatic about a chance to see my favorite human in the world, but that isnotthe case when I’m about to be found out as a big fat pregnant liar.Liar, liar, maternity pants on fire!

I didn’t even have a good reason to lie to my grandaddy—he’s never made me feel like I needed to be someone I’m not in order to have his love. But for some reason, when I had to call and tell him I was pregnant, I panicked and said I was also getting married.

Now, in all fairness, I also thought Iwouldbe getting married. I was naïvely convinced my boyfriend at the time had gone on the road with his band because he needed some time to process this big development in his life, and then he’d be back. I thought he needed to throw a little (read: huge, mega, horribly mean) tantrum over this sudden change in his life plan and thenhe would boomerang right back to me. Breaking news: he didn’t. Some boomerangs don’t circle back, apparently.

My ex-boyfriend, Jonathan, bolted just like my dad did, and now, after several long months, I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that he’s not coming back. ( Jonathan, not my dad. I lost any hope of that man returning when I was still drinking out of a sippy cup.)

So, when I called my grandaddy and told him he’d soon be getting a great-grandchild, I also might have mentioned that I was getting married. Since the worddelusionalis not very pretty, we’ll say it was hope that drove me to tell that lie—hope that my life wouldn’t be following the same path as my mom’s, since that one clearly didn’t turn out well.

Surprisingly, I’ve maintained this lie pretty well up until now. I’ve gone home to Kentucky to visit my grandaddy several times since announcing my impending nuptials . . . but unfortunately, my dear,dearwonderful fiancé was always too busy with work to be able to come along.The work of a prestigious lawyer waits for no man!(And yeah, I have no idea why I also turned Jonathan into a lawyer. I think at that point, some part of me must have known he was never coming back.) Anyway, it was all fine and dandy until the surprise trip my grandaddy sprung on me last night.

Then Lucy talked me into faking a relationship with her brother, to whom I dream of feeding laxatives via a surprise coffee delivery to his office. Drew, the physical embodiment of how a person feels when they are assigned jury duty. But wait, there’s more!

Drew is:

The human version of a popcorn kernel stuck in your teeth.

The man so boring he eats celery for dessert.

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