Page 104 of Muddy Messy Love

Gratefully, I step into Hannah’s arms, but the affection rips me open. The tears come hard and heavy, and I sob uncontrollably on her shoulder while cursing my lack of control.

“Is there anything I can do?” she asks. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Unable to speak, I shake my head.

She tightens the hug, rubbing small circles high on my back with her dainty hand, and it triggers a bittersweet memory. Dad used to do that, every night before I went to sleep, only his hand was huge. Then he’d script imaginary letters that said “I love you” with his fingertip.

God, I miss him. Why does Mum only seem to make that worse?

Hannah holds me until I calm down, and I let her, despite knowing I don’t deserve it. I’ve betrayed her trust, snitched to her brother, and lied to her too. I’m a horrible person.

Giggles drift in from the playroom, reminding me where I am. At work. Sobbing like a goddamn child on my supervisor’s shoulder, whose brother I happen to be fucking.

Well done, Avery. Top job.

Grimacing, I detangle myself from Hannah’s embrace, then scrounge up a mangled tissue from the bottom of my satchel to dry my eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Hannah says gently. “We all have bad days.” But awkwardness hangs in the air, thickening the silence between us. I feel her discomfort and her need to eliminate it. “Have you seen my brother today?”

Pain stabs my heart. “No.”

Hannah sighs. “Me neither, but I’m sure he’ll be here soon.” The notion sparks hope and nausea simultaneously. Hannah chews her bottom lip, then her brows jump as she holds up a finger. “Wait, I have an idea. Stay here. I’ll be right back.” She snatches her phone from the kitchenette bench, then scurries off, only to return a few minutes later with a triumphant smile that matches the one her mum wore in the portrait at Cole’s house. “You, my love, are taking the day off. Marla will be here in an hour to take over. Meanwhile, I want you to sit and chill. Tej and I have it handled.”

My tears start again. She’s such a beautiful girl. How dare Slade touch her. And to think Cole could be right. I shudder. If this isn’t a coincidence, it’s my fault. First, I dragged Jen, Liam, and Beth into this bullshit. Then Cole. Now maybe Hannah too. The list just keeps growing.

It’s amazing you have anyone at all, Avery Lee.

Mum’s right.

And Hannah likes Slade. She stepped out of her comfort zone at my insistence, only to be stung. And if anything happens to Cole… A chill rolls down my spine. I can’t even finish the thought.

“Hey, breathe, okay?” Hannah says.

Oh no. It’s happening.

I drop to sit on a nearby chair, then silently count my breaths. In, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four.

Fuck. Why now, in front of Hannah?

Several long, stormy minutes pass before I regain control. And when it’s over, Hannah steps closer to rest a hand on my shoulder, tentatively, like I might bite. “Jeez, Aves,” she whispers. “Do you get them often?”

I don’t reply or look up, wishing I could dissolve. Great. Now she knows her brother’s dating a nutjob. How fond of me could she possibly be now?

Hannah retreats, the kitchen tap sounds, then a glass of water appears in front of me. I take it from Hannah’s hand, and she squats at my feet, making eye contact unavoidable. “Listen, I need to check on the kids. I’ll shut the door, but I’m right outside if you need me, okay?” Her smile is gentle and sweet, but alarm still hijacks her gaze.

Yeah, back away carefully and quietly from the freak.

I rally a shaky smile. “Thanks. I owe you one.” Damn it. In Hannah’s eyes, I wanted to stay shiny and normal forever.Cole-worthy.

The door clicks shut, and I slump in my seat. But by some sweet miracle, by the time Marla arrives, I’ve got my shit together and devised a plan.

When I phone upstairs, Cole’s assistant informs me he called in sick overnight, and fourteen hours of dread deflates from my chest. He’s alive—able to communicate. That’s something, at least.

But why hasn’t he called me?

I thank her and hang up, then pull up Google Maps and pinpoint the windy road to Cole’s house. I book an Uber and throw on my satchel, say my goodbyes and one last apologyto Hannah, and then head outside into the fittingly grey and gloomy day.

The Audi sits on a furious angle millimetres from a deck post, its tyres having gouged out dirty valleys in the quartz gravel. That’s my first clue something’s wrong.

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