Page 84 of Obsession

“I hope they know something that will help us.”

“I keep telling you there’s no ‘us.’” He stopped at a traffic light, and while he waited for the light to change, he glancedat her. “Why do I get the feeling you want to find Ryan’s killer by yourself?”

“Are you kidding? We let the authorities handle it for ten years and we’re just now finding his body.”

“You don’t trust me or Nate to solve this?”

“I do, but I want to help.” She turned toward the side window. “Do you ever wish you could go back and change something that happened when you were a kid?”

“All the time,” he said, thinking about when his sister chased a ball in front of a car because he wasn’t watching her. A horn tapped behind him, and he glanced at the light and quickly gunned the motor. “What would you change?”

She picked at her thumbnail. “I wouldn’t let Ryan take the blame for me when I dented Mom’s car.”

“What do you mean?”

Emma sighed. “I knew as a little girl that there was a certain structure in our family. Everyone had their place, and mine was that of being the good kid. The one with the good grades, the one who always obeyed. Ryan on the other hand was the athlete, but he was rebellious and usually the one in trouble.

“One day when we were fifteen, I took Mom’s car without asking and backed into a pole. We’d just gotten our permits and weren’t supposed to be driving without an adult in the car. When she discovered the dented bumper, she automatically blamed Ryan. I remember the hurt in his eyes, but he didn’t rat me out when I didn’t own up to taking the car. I didn’t want to lose my place as the good kid. The favorite.”

“You really thought you were the favorite?”

“I’m afraid I did,” she said sheepishly. “Soon after was when Ryan broke his leg and got hooked on pain meds. I’ve often wondered if I’d told the truth, would it have made a difference in the choices Ryan made? Would his life have been different?”

“You don’t know—”

She held up her hand. “Don’t. I know you mean well, but Ican’t change the way I feel. And now that I know Ryan’s gone, I have to get justice for him.”

Sam wished he could tell Emma the remains in the grave hadn’t been Ryan’s, but the odds were 99 to 1 that it was his body. “I’m not going to tell you I know exactly how you feel, but I know how guilt feels. My sister wouldn’t be limping today if I’d watched her like I was supposed to the day she got hit by a car.”

“That wasn’t your fault. You were what? Ten?”

“Eight, but the age doesn’t matter. She was damaged for life. Do your parents know that it was you who dented the car?”

Emma sighed. “No, and I surely don’t want to tell them now.”

“Try it. When I feel really guilty, I try to remember what Mom told me. That even if I should have been watching Jenny, that was the past. It’s over and done and can’t be changed. Jenny has forgiven me, and I’m sure if Ryan were here, he’d forgive you for letting him take the blame.”

“You really believe that?” Hope was in her voice.

Most days he did, but sometimes watching Jenny struggle with her bad leg hurt him to his core. And truth be known, he’d gone into law enforcement looking for something big to redeem himself and prove his dad wrong—that he was good for something. But working for the park service hadn’t brought him the acceptance he needed. He wasn’t sure what would. Maybe like Emma, it was finding Ryan and Mary Jo’s killer.

She brushed her hand across her cheek. “Thanks.”

He took his eyes off the road briefly. Her eyes were wet, breaking his heart.

“You’re telling me I need to forgive myself.”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

“I don’t see that happening, but thanks for letting me get it off my chest,” she said as his phone rang.

Sam started to ignore it until Balfour Ring Company showed up on his dashboard screen.

46

Sam had pulled off the highway to answer the phone, and Emma stared out the car window at the curtain of Spanish moss hanging from a large live oak tree. Her breathing slowed as she listened to Sam’s end of the conversation with the ring company.

“Yes,” he said, then listened to whoever was on the other end of the call. “I see. Well, thank you for letting me know.”

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